You may wonder if having mixed feelings is normal. You may wonder if it means that you are loosing your mind. I can assure you that having mixed feelings in dealing with what happened to you is natural. Even when the feelings seem contradictory, it is still normal. It is normal to feel MANY things during this time. Those feelings are a reminder that you are still alive, that there is life in the relationship, that you are still connected on some level.
Having those mixed feelings does not mean that you are loosing your mind either. It does not mean that you are crazy. Although you have all the mixed feelings, you will need to realize that feelings=facts. Just because you feel it, it does not mean that feeling is ‘truth’ about the situation. Much like your feelings about paintings, cars or movies change, even though those things don’t, your feelings about the events surrounding you will change. You can choose to act on those feelings or choose not to act on them.
Some cheaters want to create confusion and chaos, be it mental or emotional. They know that when there is chaos, the easier it is to manipulate the situation and you. Mixed feelings can be an early warning of such chaos creation. Your feelings are your early warning system alerting you to many things. You will need to decide what they are telling you and which items to act on along with which to ignore.
The confusion will pass when you do not dwell on it.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
Great points. For me I wanted to make sure I did not just make decisions in a knee jerk fashion.
For this reason I consulted with two different attorney’s and a therapist but most of all I went more deeply into the Bible so that I would not act on my emotions and make a big mistake in terms of what I am endeavoring to do in my obedience to the LORD ….not by way of other people …even any other believers.
I tried to gather as much information as possible….I now have tabulated the books alone that I have accumulated in my effort to also learn what was ‘normal’ as well as what is godly …there are a huge variety of perspectives on the kinds of ways that people believe are acceptable and even godly .
It is important to ME that I do what is right according to what GOD would have me do ….
ALL that being said …the feelings as well as my WHOLE LIFE has been invested in loving my husband and tending to what I could learn was the best way to be a wife and be invested in what marriage IS according to the Word.
Learning the ‘basics’ of what the Word has to reveal has been an anchor for not being swayed by my emotions or the opinions of others…
In the face of the temptation to flee by way of divorce I have had to consider what a ‘vow’ is …what a ‘covenant ‘ is and what God’s definitions of ‘love’ , ‘respect’ and all of the ‘laws’ of marriage that he has not seen fit to change….Jesus made his stand pretty clear for the case of marriage being one flesh of a man and a woman for life.
Anyway ….when the storms of this life come it is truely helpful to know that we are still obliged to love the LORD which HE has brought as the criteria for us to see if we indeed DO and that is to be obedient to his word.
Not always easy ..especially as living in this present world the majority seem to have decided that the PURPOSE of life is to ‘be happy’ and have even gone the length to assume that because God is love that HE also wants nothing more of us than for us to be ‘HAPPY” ….which causes us to pursue happiness at any price…a perfect excuse for adultery …so often as it is given as the ‘reason’ why someone gets into that snare.
God is love …HE is also just …and He is also holy ….one recent book pointed out that it is this multi facetted character of GOD that people often fail to consider….
Salvation was NECESSARY for anyone to be able to be in HIS holy presence and LIVE. It has some conditional requirements for US to apply that offering of salvation . I was involved in ministry for YEARS where the devotion to the epistles overroad knowledge and application of ALL scripture in consideration for OUR part in receving all that GOD provided in Christ…this view I came to realize is called Dispensationalizm and is a recent doctrinal thread in many churches today.
It disregards many of the things we need to know in terms of what is required of those who desire to be followers of the Lord and has resulted in much disregard for disciplining our conduct …as the Psalmist said….”Thy word have I HID in my HEART that I MIGHT NOT SIN AGAINST THEE”
What I was led away to think was “Jesus did it all’ ..as if nothing we did in the flesh was going to effect our salvation.
This led to great sin abounding for it cast off the LAW which is the WHOLE TESTIMONY of scripture ..the attitude was for many ‘Hey …I have my ‘get out of hell card’ and it is a passport to do whatever I want’
I think this attitude is also what Gnosism point of view leads to …an idea from I think it was Aristotle that the body is completely separate from the spirit …..
Jesus Christ made himself very clear …but as that ministry favored concentrating on Paul’s epistles and even regarded the Gospels as ‘addressed to Isreal’ MUCH iniquity abounded there ..
It is ASTOUNDING to me now to see how deceived I became ..as I was so busy in ‘ministry” that I trusted what was being taught …because there was a love for the PEOPLE teaching ..and a trust in what they said …without examining scripture….
I had a terrible view that I regret so now based on an acceptance of what was taught …not taking more time to examine ALL scripture.
I can relate to how the scriptures speak of being so willing to receive what is pleasant that one does not want to be taught the hard things….but in truth …being born into the world ..we NEED to understand that the ‘hard things’ of the light shining upon the reality of the state of our condtion is going be unpleasant to learn AT FIRST and then when we realize that the truth MUST be seen so we can move forward and make our choices based upon what is righteousness….it is GOOD
So much of what happened in our marriage was due to wrong teachings about how to be in the marriage.
NOt everyone took ‘advantage’ of the so called ‘freedom in Christ ‘ to sin ….it is such a twisted thing to view and now take note of how much sin was not seen as sin ! People were deceived and this is explained in the Word as our hearts are deceivable….desparately wicked and apart from the Word showing this TO US …and our wanting to receive it ..we remain ignorant…and often are simply decieved because we think truth should make us feel good
Many people seek to find a church that agrees with what they already think …they LIKE to be where they are told GOD loves you just the way your are ….and do not realize that there is a change that HE wants to make WITHIN so that we do not fall into ditches.
Until we are willing to be shown the things that are damaging us ..even as we THINK we are actually in His will …we will find that our decisions will be tossed and turned by circumstances that we cannot understand HOW we got into …
NOt all circumstances are brought upon our lives by OUR sin of course …much damage is brought about in our world because of a CORPORATE of COLLECTIVE of consequences from many people who do sin without understanding
The adultery my husband and his OW committed had many consequences that occurred even at the time they entered into it ..but I did not realize many times that what we experienced was a result of this …I trusted my husband and I did not want to ‘think evil’
I have since realized that not all ‘gut level ‘ feelings about behaviors or circumstances are ‘thinking evil’ ….but back then I made much effort to practice ….’forgiveness’ ….’contentment’ and ‘thankfulness’ ALL of which are good to do …but with the ‘positive confession’ standard …it did nothing to address the growing sin in my husband’s behavior and attitude!
It is NOT ‘evil’ to think of what IS evil …flor what it IS! What a truth to finally come to understand !
If confronting and identifying evil is a sin …then JESUS was guilty of it .!
HE loved his FATHER …and by way of obedience to GOD appeared to many of his time to not be very ‘loving ‘ because he judged righteously SIN …so that people could be delivered from the bondage of sin by way of obeying the law of truth
To apply the word to all our trials we are able to be strong in the face of the kinds of responses to hearing what often crosses the doctrinal positions and sinful practices of others
To ‘lay down one’s life’ for the sake of sharing what could offer the way of salvation to those who will hate us for doing so …reviling and rejecting ‘the messenger’ is the truth of that …we are not called to ‘die’ on a physical cross but to die to our desire to be loved at the cost of truth and the opportunity to challenge those blinded to their behavior as sin which DESTROYS AND KILLS those who indulge in it .’
Todays world has normalized and legitimized sin ….it is more acceptable to disregard sin than it is to challenge it with what GOD”S JUDGMENT is that is supposed to identify and expose sin
This is now called a ‘hate crime’ by many who love their sin more than they love truth.
This is one deadly and demonic post modern trend that is even circulating in the church .
Many will reject the truth of taking ALL scripture into consideration but GOD has placed many exhortations for us to ‘hide it in our hearts that we might not sin against Him’ for our own good …as well as for the sake of the reduction of the opertations of the enemies of GOD which would delight to see more and more consequences cominig upon mankind …the sowing of lies…brings forth the fruit of adversities in the lives of many who are not COMMITTING sin but are those subjected to the ‘fall out ‘
Just as a land mine is hidden and harms not just those who step on it but those closest to that person …adultery is not only destroying those committing it by stealth corrupting them within …it harms all who are in the surrounding perimeter .
The worlds media has diluted the concern for this …erasing from the conscience mind of many the truth of this ….and the lack of knowledge of the word of GOD has caused much of this kind of ignorance of the consequences within many churches.
ONLY the knowledge of the Word equips and explains what has happened to all who have been deceived from within to seek a ‘smooth ‘ talking false teacher for itching ears….or to disregard learning about GOD from all of the ungodly ‘doctrines of demons’ that have convinced people that GOD and morality is ;’old fashioned’ and there is no final accounting to be faced!
May eyes and ears open …God has moved …now the ball is in our court to take and eat the bread that comes down from heaven …..