Spouses who have been burned by affairs often want to know “How Long” many aspects of the affair will last. They’re tired of hurting and feeling confused.
They want firm answers and clear direction. Today, we’ll consider the lying question.
In all likelihood, the lying began long before the affair. In the cases that you are dealing with a liar who had an affair, rather than a cheater who is lying to cover their tracks, it takes longer.
In the case of cheaters who are lying to cover their affair, the lying lasts until the pain level begins to drop. Most quit lying when their level of pain concerning the affair drops.
Like someone testing the water in a swimming pool, the cheater tests the emotional waters to see if they’re safe before they confess. When confessions come and the denial begins decreasing, truth emerges a little at a time.
When the emotional waters are ‘safe’, they test whether or not it’s safe to be truthful. Since they are used to testing a little at a time, the pattern continues with truthfulness.
They release a little in order to gauge your reaction. This is where your reactivity determines how much truth is released.
Their methods aren’t fair. This is due to them being determined by emotional factors rather than truthfulness factors.
They are denying matters to you and to themselves. If your marriage has been damaged by such practices, the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” will help you and your spouse heal from the damaged trust.
Best Regards,
Jeff
