While an an affair is underway, the parties involved often engage in moral somersaults and rationalize their actions. The rationalizing is often a form of running so fast that judgment won’t catch up.It reminds me of a car I once owned whose former owner told me when I purchased it that it would “outrun the wrath of God”. I enjoyed that car, it was fast, but it could not outrun the consequences of bad choices, a turbocharged Porsche or the Pasadena Police Department. Reality eventually caught up with me, as it will those who try to outrun the consequences of their actions.
The reality of facing the morality of their choices is often painful. There is often guilt and shame associated with their choices. In the cases where no guilt or shame are present, there is often a larger problem. If there was nothing done that was wrong, then there would be no need to hide things, keep secrets of be concerned about who finds out.
It is important in recovery that the parties involved be accepted. The time that they need their spouse the most is often when they are least available. Acceptance does not mean approval of what they have done. Often, the guilt and shame are eating them alive without someone else piling on to make them feel better. The piling on does not help to bring healing. Besides acceptance, they need honesty. Not the type of honesty where you rub their face in it, but rather the type where you cut through the excuses, denial and expose the somersaults for what they were.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
