Mentors have been a major influence in my life. Bob Reichlin, Dan Minner, and Marlin Lance each brought valuable lessons that have stayed with me. Despite their contrasting approaches, they all made a significant impact.
In the world of recovery, mentors take the form of sponsors. Whether you call them mentors, sponsors, or coaches, their experiences provide guidance when you need it the most.
I’ll never forget the day Marlin said, “Jeff, you’re farther from God than you think, and it’ll take longer than you expect to find your way back.” Although I brushed off his words at the time, they proved to be true over time.
I soon realized that the journey back to where I needed to be took much longer than I anticipated. I made some serious miscalculations.
Even if you see yourself as a good person, it’s important to acknowledge that even good people make mistakes. And the road to redemption takes longer than we assume. I had estimated a timeframe, but I quickly learned that I needed to double it.
Now, when it comes to recovering from affairs, you might be wondering, “How long will it take?” I can’t provide a definitive answer, but I can tell you that both you and the cheater will need at least 24 months.
During the first 24 months, the cheater needs to focus intensely on recovery. Taking shortcuts will only prolong the process. It’s not just about ending the affair. It’s about freeing their mind and heart from its grasp. It’s about rebuilding the connection between you and learning healthier ways to navigate relationships and intimacy.
In most cases, whatever timeline you had in mind, you can double it. Think of it as a ballpark figure, a starting point. These 24 months are necessary to regain clarity. Restoring your thinking to its “normal” state takes time, and it takes longer to recover than it does to make mistakes.
If you or the cheater expect quick results, take Marlin Lance’s advice to heart. Start your recovery plan, commit to it, and stick with it.
The video “Preventing Affair Relapse” will guide you through this journey, highlighting the necessary steps and areas of focus. By working the affair recovery plan diligently, you will see results. The longer you invest in the process, the better the outcome.
During the affair recovery, you’ll discover if the cheater truly means all those promises they made to you.
Let’s keep it real,
Jeff
