Whenever sailors take a cruise, they often have to check their course against landmarks in order to accurately figure out where they are at. They have some idea where they are, yet with the landmarks, they can check their bearings and accurately know for sure where they are. Once they have the known fixed points, they can recalibrate their position.
In marriages, when an affair occurs, there is a recalibration. When the affair is discovered, spouses find out how long it lasted and then recalibrate or recalculate their lives. Their whole sense of meaning and reality is contrasted with what they just found out. The recalibration is often frightening. When they find out that what they assumed was ‘real life’ was a fantasy, they are often very angry and very confused.
Like the sailor, once they recalibrate they have a clearer understanding where they are. Once they know where they are and where the relationship truly is, they often take action.
Regards,
Jeff Murrah
