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Your Kids and the Aftermath of the Affair
An affair is very difficult for the aggrieved spouse. It creates a mix of emotions that includes anger, remorse, guilt, and confusion. In most cases, the spouse loses hope that the marriage could get better so they would rather get separated. Some couples, however, choose the road less traveled by resolving their differences and leaving the past affair behind them.
If this is the case for the spouse, an affair is also tough on the kids. They might be silent when the affair is going on or if they notice one of their parents suffering for it. But their emotions and their feelings are also hurt when they learn about the affair. How do you deal with the affair the?
Covering up the affair does not help in the long run. You may want to protect the image of your spouse in the eyes of your children. Covering up is certainly an option. But it will only send the message to your kids that they are not privy to family secrets and affairs.When there are problems in the marriage, the children know it.
It’s better for your kids to know the affair from you rather than from any other source. One way or another, the kids may learn about the affair. Wouldn’t it be better if they learned if from you first hand? This will also enable you to draw strength from them and you can deal with the aftermath of the affair.
Your kids are intelligent and observant. They are not ignorant. Get them together and talk about the affair. It will not be easy and there is no easy way to break the information to them. But talking to them about the affair is a necessary step to mending your marriage. Keep in mind, it is not up to them to fix your marriage. It is not up to them to make you feel better.
There are no established rules on how to deal with your kids about the affair. There are no skeleton keys or magic bullets that work with each family. What you do as a parent depends on how deeply you know your kids. Just play it by ear and be sensitive to their emotions.
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