Yesterday’s post focused on the topic of recalibration. The process actually involves ‘reorienting to a new truth’ or a ‘new paradigm’. Since none of us like being lied to, there is often a strong angry reaction to this new paradigm. The anger is partly directed at the spouse and partly at ourselves for having believed something that was not so. This anger is a natural reaction to being exposed to a new truth. Whenever our world is rocked like that there will be an angry reaction.
I find that using a paper and pencil to plot a timeline often helps with this. The mind has a way of distorting things. We often bend reality to our whims. Plotting a timeline on paper of the actual events is a way to reduce that bending of reality. It will also let you know what actually happened and when it happened. The timeline will help orient you and your spouse to the reality of events.
Since affairs have a way of disorienting people, you spouse may not be accuartely recalling the dates and events either. They are also attempting to leave and grieve, a relationship and dreams they had. They are also going through a recalibration as well. They are brought back to something that they may have been avoiding. It may have been easier for them to get caught up in their fantasy love life than to face the reality of spouse, children and responsibilities.
The timeline will help.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
