Many people remark “I was just being honest!” True, they were honest, but the question arises, were they being honest out of love or out of hate. The attitude behind the honesty does make a difference in whether or not people will accept it. When honesty is spoken out of hatred, it comes across as ….hate. When spoken out of love, it comes across as …love. A key question that cuts to the root of the matter is “Will it bring healing?” If what is spoken, no matter how honest it is does not bring healing, it brings hurt and damages the relationship. The Apostle Paul captured this sentiment when he talked of “speaking the truth in love”. Honest communication needs to be tempered with love. That means what you say needs to have as its purpose the healing of the relationship, rather than speaking the ‘plain truth’ with the intent of hurting the person.
Rather than wonder why your spouse is unresponsive to what you are saying, consider whether you are being honest out of love or are you being honest out of hatred. Honesty out of hate amounts to ‘pure hatred’. Yes, it is honest, but it is remains ugly old hatred. It may be perfumed and have all the right words, but it is still hatred. The key to saying something that your spouse will hear is in the attitude behind it.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
