Often the simple things are what makes the difference in relationships. When affairs happen, there are often enormous hurts and accusations. Although it is tempting to ‘let it all hang out’ with your spouse in terms of your hurts and accusations, you need to consider, “Will it bring healing?” In most cases, venting creates more distance. With that distance is more hurt. The time that you need them, you have pushed them away with your rants. Although it is counter-intuitive, the solution is to “Shut up and listen!”. Focus on understanding your spouse rather than trying to convince them that your opinion and view of the situation is the only right one. I have seen many couples where one party tries to ‘explain’ things, even though what they called ‘explaining’ was nothing more than persuading their spouse that their view of the situation was the only right one.
When one listens, there is greater understanding. Only ask questions that provide understanding rather than those involving accusations.
For more ways of dealing with the pain, obtain “Infidelity: A Survivor’s Guide”
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
