Some of the most passionate comments on my blog come from swingers insistent that they are ‘happier’ than others and that their lifestyle is ‘wonderful’. Their proclamations of being “happier” are typically reactions to my pointing out the negative impact of swinging on marital security and stability.
In their minds, being “happy” is more important that security or stability or morality.
I was reminded of this on reviewing some long-term survey results from 1989-2016 where researchers looked at martial satisfaction and number of sexual partners. The survey results show that marital satisfaction declines with the number of partners one has.
Let me make it clear, the more sleeping around you do, the less satisfied you’ll be in your marriage.
Findings like these are upsetting since they reveal inconvenient truths.
The lifestyle fans of swinging jump around like cheerleaders working at pumping up the morale of their team. They use social media and hype in making wild claims.
The cheerleaders continue proclaiming they’re happier and more well-adjusted than monogamous (or as they say ‘vanilla’ couples). When someone has to continue repeating the mantra that they’re more ‘well-adjusted’ and ‘happier’, it leaves me wondering why they’re so insistent.
Although swingers report the divorce rate for those in the lifestyle is 2%, my experience is that the couples I’ve worked with end up divorced, resentful and feeling broken.
One couple made money selling pictures of themselves during intimate moments which they hid from extended family members. They struggled with alienation from family related to their choices. The old saying “You’re as sick as your secrets” was definitely in operation here.
Another couple stressed out about their children finding out about the swinging that happened prior to their divorce.
Either the 2% number is wrong, or those 2% have a way of finding themselves seeking counseling with me. (BTW, the 2% number is claimed, yet I haven’t seen research backing it up.) Those swingers who came to see me weren’t happy or well-adjusted.
So, when swingers protest so loudly about being HAPPY, my mind thinks just the opposite. My experience with swingers also tells me otherwise as well.
The harsh truth is that the more partners, the less happy your marriage is. So if you plan on going out and sleeping with more people, know that it won’t make you happier.
Sure, you may be satisfied more days than not, but that’s not the same as being satisfied and happy with your marriage consistently or being intensely happy with your marriage.
The adult entertainment industry continues promoting the idea that with more sex, with more partners, you’ll be happier. They have you living in the fear of missing out (FOMO) on a good experience, so much that you ignore the harsh reality that you’re not happy with your own marriage.
They promote the idea of “Try them all, you may miss a good one” when it comes to promiscuity.
The happiness you were looking for may be right next to you, yet the fantasies being sold to you have you chasing something that can never satisfy.
If you’re in such a situation, I encourage you to click and download the video, “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers”. It guides you through the discomfort and alienation that comes with swinging.
You can turn your marriage around. Start doing something about it today. Click and download the video to start changing things today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
