There are times when as the betrayed, you feel like the world is against you as you confront the affair. It’s an overwhelming feeling that often leaves you feeling powerless.
Some of your friends may provide reassurance and comfort during those times in the form of “It’ll be alright” or “It’s not as bad as you imagine” or some other saying. They often don’t know what to say, they just say something to comfort you during that time.
The truth be told, your feelings were correct. You are against the world when it comes to confronting infidelity.
In dealing with addictive disorders, you’ll often hear about how people need to ‘hit bottom’ before they’ll start to change. The addicted often have to reach a point where they’ve sunk as low as they can and now want to turn their lives around.
The problem is that many times there are enablers who rescue the addict. They think they are helping them out, when in reality, they’re allowing the problems to continue.
In a similar way, when it comes to affairs, many cheaters have to hit rock bottom before they change their ways. They have to learn to hate the cheating. The problem is that society doesn’t hate cheating.
Modern society and values encourage cheaters to cheat. Popular media enables cheaters to continue in their mindset and way of life. The myths of ‘marriages weren’t meant to last forever’ or ‘humans are not monogamous’ or ‘God doesn’t want me to be unhappy’ and similar ones keep the cheater going.
These myths are reinforced by television shows that have the main characters sleeping around without consequence. There are also the stories of celebrities sleeping around and politicians being unfaithful. Everywhere a cheater may look, they are encouraged. They are given the message that “You’re not bad, You just have needs” or “You’re only human”.
Even many mainline churches tolerate and condone their profligacy. In the name of acceptance, the cheater is given a free pass. They want the Jesus who welcomes them with open arms rather than the Jesus who took a stand against the money changers or confronted the Pharisees. The gospel of ‘inclusion’ now trumps standing for what is morally right.
When you’re confronting a behavior with the message that you’re not going to accept or tolerate cheating, while society is condoning and validating it, the world is against you. If popular culture disapproved of affairs, they would have to start taking more moral stands. Since inclusion or being together is emphasized more than doing what’s right, it’s unlikely to change.
This means that when you feel like it’s the world is against you, your feelings are not tricking you. It really is your values against the values of a system. You may be the only one saying that you will no longer tolerate their cheating, while the world welcomes them cheating and all with open arms.
This means that you’ll need a support system to deal with such times. A support system with the same values and stands you are taking.
Best Regards,
Jeff
