When an affair is discovered, one of the early acts is taking off on the great “Affair Witch Hunt”. With all the zeal of an angry New England Puritan, you likely search out “Who” to blame for the affair. In some cases it may be the cheater, or even the lover. The witch may even be someone or something else. The search has power behind it. There may be times that you feel driven by the “Affair Witch Hunt” with the determination to find the person responsible for the affair.
I confess, I am a Monty Python fan and the whole idea of searching out the witch brings many things to mind. In the movie, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”, there is a scene where the people go on a witch hunt. After finding someone, they attach a fake nose and begin persecuting her as the ‘witch’. They even go so far as to spread rumors about her powers and abilities, making her sound more diabolical than she in actuality is.
On one level, it is natural to want to know who all is involved in the affair. You want to know who was with who. You want to know who the players are along with a little about each of them. You may even discover there is a side to your spouse that you never knew existed.
There is also a need for you to attach the ‘evil’ or ‘negative’ feelings to a specific person. It is as if there is a massive cloud of evil or negativity that come with news of the affair. That energy or evil has to be tied down or tethered in order to keep it from floating all over the place. When you find the witch, it also gives you an anchor to attach the evil or negative to.
You may even make the “witch” unattractive, if not downright ugly. Any threats you see in terms of their physical attractiveness are turned into negatives. Any flaw is exaggerated in order to make the witch as unattractive as possible. When you come across picture of the witch, you may even modify them to make them ugly.
You may even go so far as to attribute ‘special powers’ to the identified witch. You may find yourself talking about having others under their spell or their charms. You may even talk about their ‘sexual magic’. Although they have these ‘special powers’, you somehow see through them. You feel that it is up to you to undo what their special powers have done.
Like the characters in the Monty Python movie, after you find ‘the witch’, you may begin attaching things to them. You add features or qualities that make them less desirable and increase their negativity or evil. In many ways you quit seeing them as human. The more evil you can attach to them, the more relief you initially feel.
You may even find yourself involving friends and those in your support network in attaching things to the witch and attacking them. In some cases, a mob mentality may develop where everyone becomes a member of the ‘witch haters club’ and wants to take action. In their zeal to take action your friends will spread gossip and rumors attacking the witch. They may even take things into their own hands and either confront or do things to whoever is identified as the witch.
The problem with the witch haters club is that such activity only stirs up more negative energy. When you are with the members of the witch haters club, you will be energized to do things. The only problem is that it is often a negative, destructive energy. The witch haters club often functions as a cheer team that encourages you toward revenge.
This is often the phase when destruction of clothes, cars or vandalism is a very real risk. Such acts are a way of releasing the massive amounts of negative energy that have built up. Unleashing on the witch may give you a sense of release and power, but it does little to heal your marriage.
You may even engage in character assassination through social media or websites like “She’s a homewrecker“. You engage in spreading stories and rumors about the witch in order to ‘hurt’ them like they hurt you. You may even involve other members of the witch hunters club to join in on your attacks with you.
When you go on a witch hunt and find the witch, you may get your spouse back, but in such cases, their return is surrounded by coercion. It is more like you have captured your spouse back rather than winning their heart. You may have found a quick fix, but it is not a healthy one.
In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I show you another approach to dealing with what happened in your marriage. Instead of taking off on a ‘witch hunt’, I give you a different way of looking at what is going on which gives you new possibilities, new options and new ways of doing things, instead of old fashioned “witch hunts”.
Imagine winning your spouse’s heart back rather than holding them hostage. You can have more security in your marriage rather than have to go off on witch hunts chasing away any potential lovers. Going on witch hunts gets old, will wear you out and overflows your life with negative energy.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
