Typically most of the questions sent to me deal with some aspect of affairs. It was refreshing having someone ask about addictions for a change. A reader wanted to know “Can an emotional affair become an addiction?” The answer you receive depends on the kind of counselor or professional you ask.
There are some mental health professionals who only say something is an addiction if it’s on an approved list of official diagnoses. These are some of the same types who deny the existence of sexual addictions and other dysfunctions.
For them, if there’s no ‘official code or number for it in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual), the problem doesn’t exist. Keep in mind that this manual is changed with the times and social changes rather than what is healthy or functional. It’s great for submitting claims to insurance companies or noting the latest social stigmas, but not in this area.
Being both a marriage counselor and a substance abuse counselor, I assure you that emotional affairs can become addictions. There are several relationship-based addictions. There is a whole range of co-dependencies, love addictions, and sex addictions.
Some of these addictions don’t have “official” status, yet that doesn’t rule out their existence. These addictions have the same cycles of use, cravings and dysfunctional behavior patterns you see with many of substance-based addictions. You also see the same endorphin and dopamine activity in the addicts brain like other addictions.
So although the brain scans and behaviors indicate it is an addiction, the ‘official’ status has not been given to this condition.
Those dealing with addictions are familiar with the cravings, emotional highs, obsessions, feelings of desperation and fears of losing the loved object. I use the term object since when the addiction kicks in, they’re treated more like an object than a person.
Addiction changes the nature of the relationship. The relationship turns dysfunctional.
If you’re caught up in a relationship like this, and want to stop it, there’s hope. In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”, I guide you through the challenges associated with terminating dysfunctional relationships.
Order your copy today and start making the critical changes needed in regaining your life.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
