Although the top concern expressed by couples regarding affairs is ‘trust’, my findings indicate it should be something else. There is an early warning signal indicating trouble that happens long before trust issues occur. This one issue happens before affairs and before affairs relapse. It is more important to focus on than trust.
In counseling circles, this early warning sign is called a ‘signifier’. In gambling circles, it is called a ‘tell’. Much like revealing when someone has a good hand, this signifier alerts you of approaching trouble. The problem is that most of you have grown so accustomed to it, you don’t notice it when you see it.
What is this signifier? This tell is ‘ingratitude’. When someone exhibits ‘ungratefulness’, it signals there’s trouble ahead. When ingratitude isn’t dealt with, it continues growing and festering. The ingratitude begins robbing you of joy, contentment, and enjoyment. It sours each interaction you have with each other.
Like a flashing yellow warning light, when you see ‘ingratitude’ it alerts you of impending danger. When you see it all the time, you become calloused to it. At that point, you tune it out as routine or normal. You know it’s there, but you no longer see it. And that’s when the affair or affair relapse sneaks up on you.
Ingratitude can manifest in various forms such as taking your partner for granted, not showing appreciation or expressing thankfulness towards them, constantly criticizing or complaining about them, and comparing them to others. It is a toxic behavior that erodes the foundation of any relationship and creates an atmosphere of negativity.
So how do you deal with ‘ingratitude’? First of all, you have to be aware of it.
Here in the Texas hill country, there are yellow warning signs proclaiming “Turn Around, Don’t Drown”. Since you see them frequently, they’re easy to ignore or dismiss, until heavy rains bring flash flooding. At that moment, you realize those warning signs are important.
Likewise, the emotional warning signs are important too. It’s only when someone acts on their ingratitude that it becomes a ‘trust’ issue. Ingratitude is the warning sign you ignore at your own demise.
The question is…now that you know about ‘ingratitude’, what are you going to do about it?
I know what I did about it. Many of the lessons I’ve learned that help prevent the problem are included in the “Dealing with Affair Relapse” video. When you take care of the problem at the first warning sign, it prevents having to clean up the mess it eventually creates. In the video, I provide you with other warning signs and triggers that result in affairs.
Click the link and download the video now. The signs of relapse are also the danger signs alerting you to the risk of an affair.
Rather than guesses, and estimates along with trial and error approach, you can know the warning signs to look for. Knowing those signs can save your marriage. In addition to ingratitude, there are other warning signs and triggers that can lead to affairs and affair relapse. These include lack of communication, unresolved conflicts, emotional disconnection, and unfulfilled needs within the relationship. Couples need to be aware of these warning signs and address them before they escalate into bigger issues.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
