The other day I mentioned serial monogamy. Since this is now a popular cultural term it needs some clarification.
I first encountered it when a pastor I was under told me that the passages about a pastor being the husband of one wife actually means being married to one woman at a time. His comment struck me as odd at the time.
His interpretation ‘of scripture’ bothered me, yet at that time I wasn’t sure why. Over time, it became clear what bothered me about it.
His comment amounted to an endorsement of what became known ‘serial monogamy’. It struck me that there’s little difference between serial dating and serial monogamy.
In my ‘eureka’ moment, I suddenly realized that what bothered me was that line of thinking is the ‘high school dating scene’ with a do-over.
Instead of dating people one at a time, with serial monogamy, you marry people one at a time. It’s the same mindset in a different package. This kind of thinking shares much in common with love addicts.
The love addict goes from relationship to relationship. The difference here is the amount of commitment. In the serial dating world, when you grow tired of who you’re dating or who you’re married to, you move on.
It’s a use them and lose them mentality. It’s the same mindset contained in the Luke Combs song “When It Rains, It Pours” stating “ I ain’t gotta see my ex future mother-in-law anymore.“
You go into relationships with a mindset of if it doesn’t work out, I’ll change it. Your marriage becomes as disposable as pampers.
You are constantly looking for a newer model, or more secure model or lower maintenance model or whatever quality is in vogue. Rather than work through things in your marriage, you find a new one.
You look for the new thrill. You enjoy the adrenaline rush until your marriage gets routine.
When you have a serial monogamy theology, you avoid feeling guilty for sleeping around. This way, you have affairs without calling them affairs.
Healing still means needing to deal with the affair issues. When the affair is addressed, the issues of forgiveness, connection and intimacy are improved.
If you need a place to share your thoughts with others who understand and are working on their affair recovery consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle.
Best Regards,
Jeff
