Having a brother-in-law who’s a retired lawyer means that the conversations at family get-togethers are quite interesting. Most people are on the receiving end of some lawyer’s actions and don’t often have a chance to ‘see behind the curtain’ with legal matters. Since many of their dealings are ‘behind closed doors’ you don’t see them. So when there’s an opportunity to discuss those matters, we do so. We compare lessons learned from our professions, me as a counselor and he as an attorney.
He has some different solutions to problems that I hadn’t imagined. One skeleton key solution he advocated was “Put up a sign with the letters TCB…CYA.” The message is “Take care of business and Cover Your Ass.” He continued, “They [the public] should have to hit the sign on the way out the door every morning to keep it on their mind. Most of my clients need me because they don’t take care of business.”
His description reminded me of how as high school athletes we often hit a sign with a motivational saying on it each time we left our dressing room for the playing field. It was a way of focusing our attention before the game.
He went on to elaborate how if people took care of their own businesses, it would solve many if not all of their problems. Those that aren’t solved by TCB, are where the CYA comes in for “cover your ass”. The sign at the door could serve as a reminder to take care of business and be prepared for any possible legal consequences.
I sat back and considered how his statement applies to marriages. If spouses ‘took care of their relationship business’, it certainly would reduce both affairs and the temptation for them. I also know that these days, with all the distractions, you may forget or not recall what it means to ‘take care of business’.
You may have never even been taught what it means to ‘take care of relationship business’. In law, you can plead ignorance, but it doesn’t change the legal situation. You still have to face the penalties and consequences. In relationships, you can also plead ignorance and hope for a second chance. Hopefully, your spouse is more understanding than some judges are.
When it comes to relationships, there’s a belief that if you say “I didn’t know” you escape the consequences. If you really ‘don’t know’ ways of taking care of business or what ‘taking care of business’ in a marriage means, you need to fix that situation.
In fact, many relationships suffer because one or both partners have not been taught the necessary skills to take care of their relationship business. This can include communication, conflict resolution, and understanding the needs of your partner.
It’s important for individuals to actively seek out resources and education on how to maintain a healthy relationship. Just taking a simple step like sitting down and talking to each other rather than scrolling on your phone will start you going in a good direction.
The GOOD news is …in the must have resource of the Affair Recovery Workshop, I cover ways you ‘take care of business’ in your relationship. This includes solving problems like dealing with broken promises, mishandled responsibilities, and wrong priorities. These areas are an important part of turning your marriage around and removing problems at their root level.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
