No matter how well the cheaters try to control what they did along with the fallout, the effects of their actions spill out. The law of cause and effect is a big part of affairs.
What they did has a ripple effect touching everyone in connection with them. In their minds, they may think they’re in control of the information and its effect. In reality, they’re also believing a lie. It was lies that got them into the affair and they are resorting to lies in getting them out of the affair.
I was reminded of this on encountering a query from a reader stating “My cheating husband has ruined my mental health.” Although the cheater was the one involved in the affair, their actions impact others in ways they never imagined or considered.
Cheating damages trust and security. The cheater may be a good provider, but providing alone doesn’t provide relationship security.
Cheating threatens your position as a spouse on several levels. Physically, the cheater may have brought home an unwanted STD or exposure to something that wasn’t there before.
Emotionally, you now have to share the cheater with someone else. The exclusivity that you thought was in your marriage is gone. With the loss of that exclusivity, you lose your emotional security as well.
The cheater may claim that the affair is over, but you now have to live with a different reality. The trusting relationship you once had is damaged, and it’s hard to ever feel secure again.
All of these effects add up to an impact on your mental health, as well as any other area of your life.
Even though the lover isn’t in your bedroom, you sense the presence of someone else in your marriage. Your spouse’s heart is no longer 100% with you.
Spiritually, the affair creates alienation. The affair changed your spouse. Whether or not the change was intentional, it impacts you as well. It leaves you with a sensation of being lost as to your relationships and identity.
Mentally, the affair leaves you wondering whether your spouse is telling you the truth. You also are never sure that they are where they told you they were going to be. You wonder how much you can believe. It can even leave you questioning your own reality.
Even when the cheater tells you they’re being honest, you lost the ability to sleep easy at night about what they told you.
So, after losing your emotional security, relational stability, and possible health threats, it’s no wonder that your mental health is impacted as well. The second-guessing, loss of sleep, and loss of relationship leave a massive emotional scar.
You may not want to see or acknowledge that scar, but it’s there. In the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, I share ways of moving past those issues. You can choose to either let the affair define you or move past both the affair and its impact.
It’s no surprise that your mental health is damaged given everything that’s happened. Now you face the choice of what you’re going to do about it. I encourage you to click and download the video.
You’re now on a day-to-day journey. Whether or not you want to continue carrying the burden of the trauma can make that journey harder or easier. When you move past the trauma, you can regain a sense of self and escape the fears that had you trapped.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
