When you hear about ‘marrying a child’ you may automatically think of pedophilia or react with “Isn’t that illegal?” Whatever your reaction, the act is repulsive.
Although it’s repulsive, illegal and dysfunctional, you may be one of those who have done it. Your spouse may have been of legal age to marry or even much older, yet when it comes to emotional maturity, they are still functioning on the level of a child.
They may still be self-centered, wanting immediate gratification, and unable to form healthy relationships. Yes, the two of you were married, but they may not be able to emotionally commit to such a relationship.
With increasing frequency, more adults than I would like are functioning on the emotional level of children. When you’re in a marriage with one of these people, the risk of affairs is high.
They may love you, yet they aren’t mature enough to commit to you. They know how to talk like an adult, yet maintaining fidelity is beyond their abilities.
They are so focused on gratifying their needs that they are oblivious to other people’s needs, including yours.
Although they are incapable of healthy relationships, they take offense if you bring this to their attention. You know that they’re incapable, yet they react defensively if you bring it to their attention.
They’re so focused on themselves that they can’t face any emotional pain which they caused. Rather than admit their role, they’ll blame you or others for their dysfunction.
They want to be catered to and taken care of. In their mind, their needs come way before yours or the families does.
Psychologists have names for the various personality types of these immature people. Terms like narcissistic, borderline, schizoid, sociopath, and others share the common theme of immature emotional development.
The labels help you feel like someone actually understands them. The bottom line is that they are emotionally immature and such immature people are incapable of adult relationship with the commitments they entail.
When you’ve married a child, they’ll have child-like problems such as temper tantrums and an immature way of looking at the world. Even though they have temper tantrums, they do not take kindly to you bringing their tantrums to their attention.
Like the child with tears in their eyes, stamping their feet and yelling “I don’t have temper tantrums!” You can see the obvious, yet they can’t.
Affairs by immature spouses are different than affairs by spouses who have plotted and planned out their ‘straying’. Since the drive behind the affairs is different, you will need to respond to them differently as well. Not all affairs are the same and neither will be your response to them.
Although all affairs are not the same, marriages impacted by them need help. In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll be guided in what you need in recovering from an affair. From ways of handling confrontations including how to phrase what you say to techniques for improving intimacy.
In the workshop, you’ll find the tools you need during affair recovery. An affair doesn’t mean the end of your marriage. Instead let it be a wake up call for growing up and being responsible.
Best Regards,
Jeff
