Although the cheater may tell you that the affair ‘just happened’, in most cases, a great deal of planning went into it.
From the timing of when the cheater and the lover rendezvoused to the use of stimulants like viagra or birth-control pills. When viagra or birth control devices are involved, you can know for certain that planning went into the affair.
Spontaneous encounters don’t include the use of chemicals, clandestine meetings, turning off GPS or the avoidance of cameras.
The cheater likely also did their share of planning hiding the evidence. When there is hiding and planning going on, it’s not a good sign.
The “the affair just happened” scenarios that are for real will not have all the hiding leading up to the affair and the cover up afterwards.
If viagra or its relatives were involved, there was definitely some forethought and plans behind what happened. Although God designed us so that guilt and emotional issues interfered with performance, with the use of such pills, the cheater by-passes the normal checks and balances.
There’s a reason for those checks and balances to exist. When they are by-passed with chemical stimulants, there are consequences.
Cheaters may try to find ways around the cause and effect structure of the universe like they try to find ways around responsibilities in many areas of their lives. In some ways, what cheaters call ‘planning’ would better be termed ‘scheming’. I call it scheming since all the planning activity is intentional and with malicious intent.
One of the reasons it is important to start telling yourself the truth and demanding truth from the cheater, is to short-circuit the scheming that often goes on along with getting you out of the affair fog that has kept you from facing what is going on.
If you need a place to talk with others about the affair, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle.
Best Regards,
Jeff
