When your cheating spouse views your marriage license as ‘just a piece of paper’, you have trouble on your hands. When they view their relationship with you as only held together by a piece of paper, there is little that will hold them back. Although they may not say they only consider your marriage held together by a piece of paper, listen closely to their comments. When they speak disparagingly of marriage, even in a joking manner, they are commenting on their relationship with you and how much they value it.
‘Piece of paper’ people often devalue you as well as your marriage. The kind of thinking that goes with it often involves viewing people as ‘pieces’ or parts as well. When they refer to you in terms of body parts or pieces, you have the kind of fragmented thinking on your hands that views marriage as a piece of paper as well. When they do not value the institution, they do not value you either. You may believe that you are somehow different or that you can ‘turn them around’. When this kind of thinking is present, there is little that you can do. It will take Divine intervention to turn around hearts when they grow that calloused.
Not only does “It’s just a piece of paper” view you as ‘just a piece’, they often try to find their way around your expectations, their responsibilities and even laws. Do not expect them to play fair. When marriage becomes a piece of paper, you can count on them not behaving in a rational, honorable, or even a responsible manner. If marriage does not have commitment, dedication, and duty associated with it, they are not going to go the extra mile. They will only do what is legally required of them, and even then they will try to weasel out from under that as well.
When Mick Jagger spoke disdainfully regarding his marriage to Marsha Hunt referring to the license as “some bloody stupid piece of paper”, it spelled trouble. The same singer who made “Let’s spend the night together” famous, eventually had to pay for his profligacy. In a similar manner, if your spouse speaks of your marriage as “It’s just a piece of paper”, there is trouble ahead for the two of you as well.
You can get past this, and you, as a person do have value even though your spouse has brainwashed you into thinking that you do not. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, and you are not just a piece or a fragment of a whole person.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
6 Responses
Mat 7:26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the SAND.
SAND is made up of PIECES of ROCK …Jesus IS THE ROCK …Those who build their lives on ANYTHING else are headed for doom….it may be impulsive but so it ‘QUICK sand’ …..looks innocent enough until you STEP into it and then it is HELL to get out of ….
Good articles lately ….Thanks Jeff
Zaza,
Thank you for the compliment. I had not made the connection between building a house upon the sand and ‘it’s a piece of paper’ mentality. In each case, the person doing it is behaving foolishly. In each case, there are tragic consequences.
Thank you for the insight!
The same considerations apply to wedding rings as well… even more so in my opinion. The symbology of the rings is extremely important to me and reflects the value placed on the marriage. Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t wear hers any more because she claims that they get in the way of her athletic activities and she doesn’t like taking them off and putting them back on for fear of losing them. This wasn’t the case two years ago as she had many athletic activities back then as well. I have lots of “activities” which involve my hands but that doesn’t stop me from taking off my ring and putting it back on at an appropriate time. The true sign to indicate a change in my wife’s heart about how she values me and our marriage will be when she starts wearing her wedding rings again.
Scott,
You are right about the wedding rings. To some, they are just a piece of metal which often ‘gets in the way’. People often forget what those rings mean. When the rings do not mean much to the cheater, how much less does the paper mean?
My observation is that taking the ring off to perform better at athletics is also a symbolic gesture that their personal performance and satisfaction are more important than proclaiming to the world that they are married. How they treat their rings does often give early signs of how they view the marriage. A common sign of marriage trouble in the counseling office is when a client continues playing with their wedding ring. Putting up with the inconvenience that the ring brings is a small sacrifice compared to what is at stake.
SCOTT
So sorry….one of the first things that happened after we married was my husband told me he did not like to wear rings and his job in athletics put his finger ‘at risk’ if he wore it …funny other atthletes manage to put their rings on …even if they don’t wear them while playing their sport!
He never would wear it …not even after he was working in an office….I guess the danger there was being perceived as ‘off the market’ WHICH as a married man HE WAS!
Today’s viper women actually confess to looking for a wedding band NOT to identify who is NOT available but who is a challenge ..they LOOK FOR married men to see if they can ‘add one to their notches on their bed post’ ….some just like the old view that used to be for men….ungodly as that was for men OR women ..
Still …I hope your wife will GET thta her sports are not what she vowed to love , honor and stay loyal to til death do you part!
The corrupting influences have certainly damaged a lot of hearts AND SOULS
May you find a way to wake her up to the damage to you and danger to herself …
Zaza,
It is telling that your husband’s ring quickly left his finger. I know that he is still married to you, yet his actions show that the bonds of marriage and the commitment are not there.
I liked your term ‘viper women’. Can I use it? It is a good descriptive term.