Although I don’t enjoy having toxic family relationships, I’ve learned a great deal from them. In some cases, it’s lessons about survival, what not to do or handling difficult personalities.
When you start observing them and taking the effort at understanding them, there are valuable life lessons. The challenge is finding ways of distilling down all my encounters with them into the essential lessons learned without being poisoned in the process.
One of the lessons learned from my in-laws concerns how long affair trauma lasts. In their case, the affair trauma included resentments. Resentments keep the trauma active by energizing with negativity.
The negativity operated like a battery that kept the resentments going. Every night it was recharged so that the resentments were fresh and strong the next day.
In their case, the affair trauma lasted until the day they died. Even when on their death beds, they held onto the hurts and resentments that fueled the affair trauma. I thought that at such moments, there would be some tenderness and willingness to forgive.
Each of them were ‘eat up’ with negativity, psycho-somatic symptoms and bitterness. Bitterness poisons your mind and body.
It even keeps you from enjoying the pleasant times that come your way. You can’t take in the joy and pleasure from the good times.
In terms of letting go of their trauma, it was clear that it’s just “not happening“. There was no letting go of the affair. They each carried the tormenting symptoms with them through the end of their lives.
They attributed their symptoms to other issues rather than admitting to their connection with the trauma. As long as they had their medications and some medical professional was willing to treat their symptoms, they weren’t interested in removing the root issues of trauma behind many of their ailments.
As long as the doctors kept the anti-anxiety drugs and ambien coming, they weren’t about to let go of their resentments.
It was as if they believed they were hurting each other by drinking poison and hoping the other got sick. As twisted as this kind of thinking is, it’s common with affair trauma. You live in torment, but grow accustomed to it and find ways of excusing it.
You can’t control the affair or the trauma, but you can do something about moving past the trauma. You don’t have to continue living with it.
So in answer to the question, “How long does affair trauma last?“, the answer is “As long as you allow it to.”
If you want to change that, download the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. Within minutes, you’ll discover ways of moving past the symptoms that surround you and your thinking.
The longer you hold onto your trauma, the more accommodating you are of your symptoms, the more they control you and your thinking. The affair trauma doesn’t have to last your lifetime.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
