I am always searching for new insights on affairs. The Bible tells us to search for wisdom, as you would for gold. Given that gold prospectors search in many unlikely places for the precious metal, I look for wisdom in many unlikely places as well. You may be as surprised as I was to discover that there are many lessons about affairs and relationships that have nuggets of wisdom contained in “Gibb’s Rules” from the television show NCIS.
Throughout the duration of this series, there are frequent references to “Gibb’s Rules” along with their numbering. Many of the rules function as ‘hueristics‘ or mental short-cuts that save you hassles and conflict. Although the character of Gibb’s applies many of his rules to the cases his team are working on, many of them you will find solid wisdom that you can apply when dealing with affairs.
Consider rule #8- “Never take anything for granted”. This is not only the simple things that surround you, it also applies to your spouse, their attentions and their loyalties. When you take your spouse for granted, they become more of an object rather than being a special person that you want to share your life with.
When your spouse feels special, there is no need for them to go seeking ‘feel goodies’ elsewhere. Start turning your relationship around by choosing not to take them or their affections for granted.
There is also rule #12-“Never date a co-worker”. If many spouses followed this rule, there would be a lot fewer affairs. Working in close proximity often leads to feelings developing. When those feelings start growing in an abnormal fashion, they become unhealthy.
Once a workplace relationship turns into an affair is becomes very ugly. Ugly problems often require ugly answers. Workplace relationships often have some of the ugliest outcomes. Yes, there are some exceptions, but they are few and far between. When the workplace relationship is an affair, they are always ugly and will have a painful and ugly ending.
Gibb’s rule #13 is highly useful. Rule #13-“Never, ever involve lawyers, things are bound to turn nasty” When applied to your marriage relationship, this is invaluable. When you involve lawyers in settling matters between you and your spouse it will turn ugly and nasty. Once lawyers step into your marriage to settle things, you can rest assured that 1) it isn’t really settled, and 2) the nature of your marriage is permanently changed.
I often say that ‘An affair does not mean the end of your marriage. I still firmly believe that. Although many marriage can survive an affair, few can weather the involvement of lawyers in their disputes. In the course of ‘protecting the rights’ of their client means trampling all over somebody else’s rights and disturbing whatever peace that once existed.
There are several other rules that have application for your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
