The question “Should I tell my lover about my child?” is a challenging one to address. Just posing the question speaks loudly about the nature of the relationship. If the relationship is so closed that the presence of a child poses a threat to it, the relationship is not a healthy one. Although the relationship may have good laughs, good sex and good conversation, it is of a shallow nature. Mature, loving relationships recognize that people are a package deal. Many adults have children and have family members outside of the ‘lover’ relationship. If your relationship actually has love rather than just hot sex, it will have acceptance of you, with all your baggage. Baggage may include children, family, pets or debt. Loving you includes accommodating and accepting the many aspects of your life, including children, even if they are handicapped or special needs. I mention the special needs since those parents often carry exceptional burdens and fell unworthy of love. What they need the most in terms of support, encouragement and love, is what they often receive the least of.
So, back to the question, “Should I tell my lover about my child?” .If we assume that your lover is truly interested in you, and your life, then the answer is yes. That is part of who you are, what your responsibilities include and your life. If your lover is not a ‘real’ lover and is a sex buddy, or the relationship is full of conditions or your are insecure, then such questions may pose threats to the relationship. If such questions pose a threat to the relationship, then you need some other healthier relationships.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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