With calculus-based trust, both parties in marriage are trying to calculate the level of trust to be given each other based on integrity and on the costs and benefits associated with the trust that will be given to the other spouse. This usually occurs at the early stages of marriage or when an affair has recently rocked the marriage. It is a painful experience and one that will test the mettle of both spouses.
Calculus-based trust tends to be built on the benefits that one party will get over the other. Trust that is based on love, however, runs deeper than that. Love enables trust to get deeper like a tree reaching out for the waters deep into the ground. If this happens, identification-based trust will be developed.
Identification-based trust challenges spouses to go beyond the cost-benefits kind of trust. This kind of trust presupposes the identification of the spouses with the needs and desires of each other. When both of them share goals and values, it becomes easier to trust each other.
If your marriage has recently gone through a difficulty because of an affair, you both need to understand each other more deeply and look at what you want to do with your marriage. You also have to affirm your goals and your values and work together in working them out.
