When I began driving, I learned lessons that have stuck with me over the years. One of the those is the ‘lesson of unintended consequences’.
I have seen those unintended consequences both from being negligent and from being the victim of negligence. With any conflict or wreck, there are unintended consequences.
In most cases, no one saw the unintended consequences coming. They are part of the price tag that was never considered. Even though they were always there, I never saw them coming.
In one collision, I was rear ended by a large UPS truck. Although the accident occurred years ago, there are times when I continue experiencing aches and pains in my lower back which began in that episode. In my case, brown delivered some unintended consequences I still live with.
The driver never intended for that to happen. I doubt that he thought, “Here’s my chance to put 30 years of hurt on a complete stranger!” before plowing into me.
Affairs also bring unintended consequences. Your spouse may have even said to you “I never intended this to happen!” or “I never intended to hurt you!”
Such statements reveal that they are now challenged by something they never anticipated or intended. The list of such consequences is long.
The one unintended consequence I want to address today is self-blame. Although the cheater made the choices they did, that choice robs you of your confidence. They made the choice, yet you carry the pain and the consequences. Some of you blame yourself for what happened.
The self-blame consists of you blaming yourself or thinking something is wrong with you. The self-blame worsens when the cheater picks on up it and rubs your face in it.
They sense your uneasiness. Once they pick up on it, they blame you and shame you.
Their accusations are echoed by your own self doubt. No matter how wild their accusations, there’s a part of your damaged self-blame that validates the accusations by whispering “he’s right you know” or “no one would put up with me”.
Such self-blame destroyed many lives. Confronting the false claims is essential to your recovery. They’re unintended consequences. Although unintended, they still hurt.
Learning ways of turning off the self-blame and confronting the false accusations takes practice.
This is where videos like “Overcoming Affair Trauma” can help you through affair recovery. You need help in confronting the self-blame and moving past it for your own health.
Even affairs that happened years ago have unintended consequences. You didn’t count on those consequences, but you can start doing something about them.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
