Anytime you put your marriage in a position of secondary importance, you weaken it. This is the same problem I have with putting job, career, mission, bank account, inheritance or social standing ahead of your marriage.
I mentioned the movie Casablanca the other day. In that movie, one of the characters (Victor Laszlo) put his ‘mission’ (as noble as it was) ahead of his marriage. Putting his marriage in that secondary position made it vulnerable to an affair.
This is one of the risks associated with educators, politicians, military, medical professionals, ministers and law enforcement. If you or your spouse are in one of these fields, this is a hidden danger that threatens your marriage.
There’s always the potential that your marriage can slip into that secondary position. When that slip happens, it will be excused as being for a ‘noble cause’.
What blows my mind is that society holds the ‘noble cause’ excuse so high, they join the cheater in turning a blind eye toward marriage. I saw this at my local Bible study when I pointed out two historic examples of noble cause situation where a person’s infidelities were dismissed in favor of their ‘righteous’ cause.
The pastor raised his eyebrows at my comment. Apparently these men and their righteous cause made their infidelities okay. In the military, rank has its privilege, apparently in social justice causes, when you are doing the right thing, your affairs are even accepted by the church.
You’d of thought I was a heretic judging from the Pastor’s reaction. Even he had been caught up excusing infidelities of these people since they are considered so ‘noble’. It told me that in many churches infidelity is no longer considered a problem, if you serve a ‘noble cause’.
When an institution instituted by God is relegated to secondary importance in favor of promoting social and political goals representing the goals of men, it tells me that marriages are in trouble on a large scale.
If you are one of those who values marriage fidelity above other causes, there’s hope. You’re not alone.
Those sensations that the world, society and even people at church are against you are likely true. When that’s the case, you need help. The first part is telling yourself the truth about what’s going on and the true values you and your spouse are holding to.
In the video “Overcoming the Affair Crisis” I deal with the challenge of telling yourself the truth and starting the change of making your marriage a priority again.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
