During the decade of the 50’s many adults make changes in their lives. You may find yourself or your spouse making some abrupt changes during these years.
One change that some mid-lifers make is having an affair. The mid-life affair often makes them feel ‘younger’, ‘wanted’ and ‘alive’. Such affairs provide plenty of stimulation, and a quick dose of adrenaline.
Although the affair will juice up the cheater, it also alienates them from you. The affair creates emotional distance. In creating distance, the cheater may become enthralled with the lover and disenchanted with you. The grass often looks greener on the other side of the fence.
They think that another relationship will do them good, and provide greater excitement. Such relationships often provide greater excitement, but often not the type that they were looking for.
The risk of mid-life crisis is increased with sexual performance enhancers. These drugs invigorate them artificially. Since they change the symptoms the cheater experiences, they start making some false assumptions about what they are capable of doing and what intimacy is.
They begin assuming that intense sexuality is more important than intimacy. That assumption leads to increased superficiality in relationships. They overlook the reality that their performance was off for a reason.
The blood flow changed for a reason. Rather than address the reason, they take drugs to bypass those reasons and often leave the triggering issues dormant. They also forget the tremendous toll such drugs make on their body.
In mid-life, the body is less forgiving when it comes to abusing it, than when you are in your twenties. They often think that because they can sexually perform like they were younger that such activities should be the focus of their lives.
The needs of relationships change over time. Adjusting to those changes is part of learning how to be ‘in relationship’. The needs and issues of each cohort (age group) are different.
Learning what those needs are and how to deal with them when they show up in your marriage is important. The needs of a fifty year old is very different from those of a 23-year old. Confusing them can lead you to fixing the wrong problem.
Relying on artificial tools and techniques can also lead you to fixing the wrong problem as well. Trying to compete with 20-somethings is not the solution. If you start dressing like them and acting like them, you will make a fool of yourself and feel even worse about you. Instead, consider using your strengths such as experience and understanding to your benefit.
Best Regards,
Jeff
