There are days when you wonder if you will ever get back to ‘normal’. Such doubts are typical. You may even wonder if something is wrong with you. During the initial shock of finding out about the affair, you will find yourself experiencing many different symptoms. They may range from sleeplessness, apathy, anger, poor concentration, impaired memory, and depressed mood all the way to not wanting to get out of bed or go on living. Most of these symptoms will diminish over time. Your memory and concentration will return back to pre-affair status. Your appetite will return, as will your ability to sleep. Those areas of your life will bounce back. When you are in the middle of them, it may seem like things only keep getting worse. Although it feels like a bottomless pit, it does not go on forever. It does have an end, it will bottom out and you will bounce back.
If returning to your level of functioning is what you mean by normal, you will bounce back. If what you mean by ‘normal’ is that your marriage will be like it was before, you are in for disappointment. Your marriage has changed. It is not going back to what it was. That type of ‘normal’ will never come back.
So if you ask whether you will ever get back to normal, a great deal depends on what you mean by normal. Personal functioning will return. Your thinking will return. Your relationship will not. Even though it will not return to what it was, you can take steps to make it better. My e-book on trust (How Can I Trust You Again) addresses many of the issues that you will find yourself facing during such times.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
