Have you ever considered what is meant by “meaningful relationship’? This is a trendy term now being used for affairs. Cheaters are leaving their spouses like you for meaningful relationships. Like many of the terms used today, this one sounds nice, but lacks any substance when it comes to “what does it mean?”. The way it is often used it in reference to the cheater’s relationship. They act as if this new relationship has added a sense of purpose to their lives. They claim that they know have direction and significance due to this relationship.
They are making the mistake of confusing intensity for intimacy. Affairs are very stimulating. They arouse many feelings in terms of fear, attraction, shame, etc. Typically the excitement is kept at a high level in order to drown out the unpleasant feelings of fear, shame, and guilt. Mixing up intimacy and intensity creates some major headaches. Because the enjoyable emotions have to be kept at a high level, the cheater mistakes that for having ‘meaning’. The lover has to keep things in high gear in order to make things work.
What the affair really means is that they do not honor their commitments, they want excitement over honor, their promises mean nothing, and that they can not face the reality that their new sexual toy is ruining them and their reputation. By calling it a ‘meaningful relationship’, they are desperately trying to make it acceptable. It is easier to say that they want a meaningful relationship than to say that they want to go slut around with their lover.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
Yes…adultery takes on the whited seplucher syndrome doesn’t it!
If a person is fleeing reality and responsiblity any distraction becomes an ‘out’
But the need for companionship, love and sexual connecting is still strong so adultery will be the ‘go to’ eventually in pursuit of happiness.
If the spouse was married for the purpose of making one ‘happy’ without expecting any ‘bumps ‘ in life once married it may bring about this kind of retreat and distancing and pursuit of other things, activities and people …which redirecting the things that belong in the marriage are SIN
Sin causes guilt which increases ‘unhappiness’ especially around the spouse ..so there is more distancing ..thus feeding into the “Lack’ of getting the things fulfilled marriage and that relationship are designed to fulfill as one goes THROUGH things TOGETHER
Adultery is often a result of this pursuit of ‘happiness’ as some kind of meaning for life
Singleness STILL does not entitle one to sin without consequences ….so MARRIAGE is not the problem nor the person one marries ….but often that is what gets the blame for the spouse’s infidelity ..as if it is ‘necessary ‘ !
Your comments so often are hitting the nail on the head for the reader to come to the realization of the REAL needs of people and the REALITY of what marriage requires of those who marry
The truth also about there being NO ‘freedom’ to help oneself to the people we are not married to just because they are not presently married is something people in our culture do not think of …
It is not a ‘free for all’ as media puts forth ….
The truth is that IF someone IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE ..yet …then there remains the possibility that they WILL BE someELSES spouse …so it would STILL be tresspassing on someone elses marriage to engage in sexual activities with them …
Actually according to scripture GOD bought ALL people with the blood of Jesus Christ so ALL people belong to HIM ……and when a man VOWS TO GOD all those vows about protecting , nurturing and caring for the WIFE he in reality requests GOD’S BLESSING upon his request and promises …then the husband IS responsible TO GOD for the way he keeps his promises TO GOD and HIS WIFE ..and actually all who witness his vows!
I had not realized this aspect …It took me a while to uncover these truths …
How blessed people are who DO have this knowledge ….I think they must have cared a LOT about finding out this info because they believed GOD IS …and they cared about pleasing HIM
When marriage gets bumpy it is good to know there are more reasons to stay faithful …and marriage has a lot more serious depth than just our ‘feelings’ !
Our need for a ‘meaningful’ life is much more important than a fling…and in Christ we find the meaning of life is more than just to make us entertained or happy …but as we do our part we are able to have peace WITH GOD as we obey all of what he offers us in His wisdom ….
So we can be fulfilled and happy ….ALONG WITH the spouse ..as we both take on the challenges of life as we promised the LORD!
I wish we had had this perspective
I had the perspective that I had been taught that we should have a great marriage as a testimony FOR GOD …but this is lopsided ..and relies a bit too much on the flesh to bring about a facade ….
To not rock the boat I kept trying to make sure I did not make my husband unhappy as we were taught …but with a selfish fleshly person …this only gives them more ‘rope’ to hang themselves with and they use anyone who is compliant to their wishes
All he ever had to do was pout or appear angry ….or disappointed and depressed and I would give him the OK to go ‘play’ since he would not open up …He was always leaving when any discussion got too close to the point ….his effort to live his own life was complete as he often warned me he was bored , unhappy and caused me to fear being left or abandoned if he did not get to do whatever he wanted with little sharing of info ….