A recent email from a reader stirred up some real ‘ohgly’ memories from my life. (I didn’t misspell it. There is ugly and then there is ohgly with an added emphasis on the O to where it sounds like “Ohh-gly). I don’t use that term lightly, yet some situation are so repulsive there are few words that convey them.
The situation that was stirred from its slumbers concerned a couple that brought in a needy teenager. They thought that taking her in was the ‘right’ thing to do. They felt that they were being ‘good people’ in bringing her into their home. At first, the teen helped around the house. She even helped providing care for the young children in the home.
Over time, the teen became was no longer someone they took in, but was instead ‘like a member of the family’. She was like a daughter to the couple, being a part of family celebrations and daily life.
Many situations that turn ‘ohgly’ started off innocently. This situation was one of them. In order to make a long, unpleasant story shorter, the situation changed. The husband eventually had an affair with the teenager. He knew what he was doing was wrong, so it was hidden from the wife for a while.
Like all secrets, the truth eventually came out. The wife, who hadn’t suspected anything was devastated on discovering what had been going on. Her whole word came crashing down. Her husband betrayed her, she had lived a lie and the lover was there in her own home!
She cried out in anguish about how the teen was ‘like a daughter to her’. Her pain was so intense that I felt it on entering the room. Hers was a true life horror situation.
She eventually moved past what happened. The nightmares decreased in intensity and she was able to turn down the obsessive thoughts to where they no longer tormented her.
So on reading the phrase, “She was like a daughter to me!” in describing an affair, the memory of that old ohgly situation was activated. I felt my body wince on reading the email. I knew too well what that phrase means.
Rather than stay traumatized by ohgly events in your life, there is help. The video on Affair Trauma will start you on the road to recovery from shattering affair situations.
Best Regards,
Jeff
