It breaks my heart reading emails from those of you who continue struggling after the affair is over. The common theme is that the cheater is back, yet they’re caught in an emotional wrestling match.
Even though the cheater is back with you, they’ve lost their love of life and have started isolating themselves. Having someone back who’s not really with you is heartbreaking.
Fear dominates your thinking and daily lives. You feel trapped and vacillate between staying or leaving.
The desperation comes across in your emails. You start off wanting to write a quick response and end up writing more than you intended. The feelings just start pouring out. It’s like once you start admitting to the feelings, they take over.
In many cases, you’ve gone to a therapist or support group along the way. Even with that help, you feel like you’re still treading water in your marriage relationship.
They struggle with questions regarding how you got into the mess you find yourself in. You want to know why things aren’t better now that the cheater is back.
In reading the emails, I know the answer to “how it happened“, yet in most cases, you aren’t ready to hear the answer. You still look for the answer in your relationship with your spouse or worse, blame yourself.
The cheater brought things to a head, yet the root of where it comes from goes back further. This is why the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop addresses family patterns as part of affair recovery.
Although you may not want to accept it, 60% of affairs are part of long term family patterns. Those patterns shape your behavior in powerful ways. Your behavior is being triggered by forces you don’t see.
Your spouses behavior is also being shaped by those forces as well, including their proclivity to cheat.
When your spouse returns home, it doesn’t mean that everything is over. The root source of the relationship problems still need your attention.
Even when there’s not a pattern of affairs, you may find some trauma bonds there that made you vulnerable to the problems you now wrestle with. The baggage from your family of origin spills over into your marriage.
Identifying and addressing the issues stemming from those traumas or inadequate parenting is an important part of you recovering from what happened.
You can order the Affair Recovery Workshop now and start dealing with important areas within a few minutes. Click and download the workshop today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
