Instead of looking at checklists of “Signs that your spouse is cheating”, a more productive use of your time is considering thought provoking questions like “Do second marriages have a higher risk of affairs?” If you are really adventurous, you may want to dig deeper by asking “What makes second marriages more vulnerable to affairs?”
The answer is “Yes, second marriages have a higher risk of affairs”. Although they’re at higher risk, there are steps that you can take in reducing the risks.
It’s easier to ‘keep on rockin’ along’ in your marriage than considering such questions or considering their ramifications. Blocking out unwanted realities makes day to day life run smoother.
Considering the reasons for second marriages being at higher risk for affairs makes you uncomfortable. If you are one that places your comfort ahead of reality, you’ll want to stop reading the post now.
One of the reasons that second marriages are at higher risk is that the bonding of the marriage is weaker. You and your spouse may genuinely love each other, yet the strength of your commitment is different than in your first marriage.
It’s weaker, even though your feelings may at times be more intense. You look at marriage differently now.
You know that it’s not a life-time commitment and that you have limits as to how much you’re willing to put up with. Your spouse also has limits as to what they’re willing to put up with.
Another reason is that couples rarely bring the issues behind the dissolution of their first marriage to closure. The lack of complete closure increases emotional vulnerabilities.
Each of you remain vulnerable to the influence of your first spouse. There may even be children or emotional ties that keep old wounds open. As long as they are open, you are vulnerable.
If you think that your spouse is vulnerable to old boyfriends or girlfriends, imagine the danger posed by a former spouse.
The power and influence of exes is one of the risks involved in second marriages. They still influence your marriage for good or bad.
The issues of bonding and lack of closure are very real. These are areas that you need to be aware of and discuss with your spouse in terms of finding solutions to them.
Ignoring them or blocking them out may temporarily keep you from feeling uncomfortable, but it does not reduce the risk. Addressing them is the only way to deal with this threat.
So, to recap. You have weaker marital bonds, you have limits on how far you will go, closure issues, and the influences of exes. Each of these are additional risks in second marriages.
If your marriage has fallen prey to an affair or even a slip with an ex. (yes, sleeping with your exes qualifies as an affair after you are remarried), you need help.
The downloadable ‘Affair Recovery Workshop‘ provides you with the direction and help you need. It provides direction in knowing what to talk about, areas needing change and ways of changing your bad habits contributing to the affair.
You can do something that reduces the risks of an affair in second marriages. You can finally rest easy despite the many vulnerabilities in your situation.
Best Regards,
Jeff
