Have you ever wondered what goes on in a therapists’ head? There have been times I’ve been tempted to write a book on the making of a therapist.
I envisioned a book filled with anecdotes, truisms and lessons learned from working with the public. There’s been lessons from university professors, old counselors, elderly pastors and experiences with clients that have shaped the making of me as a therapist.
There are more lessons learned over a cup of coffee between counselors than what they were taught in the classroom.
One of the lessons I learned is “What’s left out is as important as what gets said“. Those omissions reveal more than the admissions.
You know from dealing with the cheater, how important what they don’t tell you is. Knowing where the holes are in their story reveals a great deal.
I was reminded of this on reading through a book addressing ethics written by prominent theologians. The section on ‘adultery’ was educating both in what was said and what was left out.
The Ivy-League trained theologian addressed the well-known events of King David’s adultery and the woman taken in adultery from the New Testament. He totally left out episodes of religious leaders having affairs along with the wife swapping episodes.
When theologians from prominent Ivy League schools leave things like that out, it leaves a huge canyon size hole in the education of young pastors. The young pastors think they are learning from the brightest theological thinkers. Little do they know that what the theologians left out ends up morally crippling the young pastors.
Limiting the discussion of adultery to when a king has an affair and when someone was caught leaves out some other important lessons. The episodes of ministers having affairs, handling family members promoting affairs, wife swapping, dealing with unwanted advances and rebuilding your marriage after you spouses’ affairs are omitted. Do they not think that people would want to know how to handle such episodes?
In my mind, those are the episodes that touch on issues many of you are facing. Yet, they are conveniently omitted by the so-called ‘experts’. Other ‘expert’ go even further and add notes to the story of the woman taken in adultery pointing out that ‘it is not in the earliest and most complete versions of scripture’. With those notes, they cast doubts on the legitimacy of the affair related lessons that could be learned.
It’s no wonder that many pastors and congregations have questions about adultery when adulterous episodes and their lessons are omitted.
Therapists and counselors are not much better. Although many couples come into our offices in crisis regarding affairs, the topic is conveniently omitted at professional and educational conferences. I’ve noticed that on many application forms, there are categories for many areas of expertise, yet they often omit infidelity.
Not only that, many of the online counseling services don’t even consider dealing with affairs worthy of putting in its own category as a specialty.
When those you go to for counsel don’t have the full story, how will they give it to you? When they are blanketed with convenient omissions when it comes to affairs, it’s no wonder they only have limited answers to the topic.
When you’re hurting from an affair, you want answers and practical guidance. This is where the “Affair Recovery Workshop” comes in. In the downloadable program, you’ll find practical direction in dealing with your situation.
The unique sequence takes you from the shock of D-Day through the working through part of affair recovery. Instead of having half-answers, you can instead have clear direction and guidance.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
