There are times when my wife and I scratch our heads in puzzlement at our Alexa-generated shopping list. Although we tell her what to add to the list, there are times when there are items on it that we don’t recognize. It’s as if she comes up with products and names for things that don’t exist.
While doing our shopping, we check the list, only to find a puzzling entry that leaves us scratching our heads as to what it means.
At moments like that I no longer fear Alexa being an extension of Orwell’s Big Brother. When she can’t hear things clearly or in a clearly identifiable manner, I have nothing to worry about. Although it’s creepy that she can tell whose voice is giving her instructions, she still has trouble hearing things correctly.
In the midst of my adventures with Alexa, it’s clear that she doesn’t hear things that I intended. In some ways, she has similarities with some spouses when it comes time for working through conflicts.
Listening is a critical part of communication, and in order for it to work effectively, everyone involved has to be on the same page. That’s not always the case with Alexa, just as it isn’t always the case with our spouses.
When you and your spouse aren’t able to work through conflicts, when it comes time for working through the affair, it’s going to be an uphill struggle.
The simple lesson I learned from Alexa is “It doesn’t matter you say, it matters what they hear.” She puts things on the list that she hears or thinks she hears.
I may have worded things correctly and pronounced it correctly. All the correct diction and wording doesn’t matter. She puts down what she hears. Not only does she put down what she thinks she hears. It’s her entry that goes into the great AI database in the sky.
Similarly, you may have rehearsed what you tell your spouse along with saying the right words in the right tone of voice and it’s still not what they heard.
Let me repeat the Alexa lesson, “It doesn’t matter you say, it matters what they hear.” This applies to Alexa and your marriage.
This means that one of the most valuable questions you can ask of your spouse at such times is the one where you ask them to clarify “Did I hear you say ….?”
That question will help you make sure that your ears hear what they said. It also sends the message that you are listening to them and that what they have to say matters to you.
Although Alexa sometimes gets products and names for things wrong, her feature of adding items to the shopping list based on what she hears is a valuable one. It’s something that can help couples work through conflicts. By asking your spouse “Did I hear you say ….?” you are able to ensure that you
When you take off and take action based on what you thought you heard rather than what’s said, it leads to high drama conflict. Some good communication habits go a long way in reducing the frequency and intensity of such episodes.
When my wife and I can’t seem to agree on what she heard me say, we’ll usually end up in a conflict. I’ve found that using Alexa’s method of adding items to the shopping list based on what she hears is a valuable way of reducing the intensity of those conflicts.
Where are you going to learn ways of making sure what you said is what is heard by your spouse? You can use the trial and error method of doing it, OR you can order the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”.
The video contains other skills and questions that will help improve how well the two of you connect and solve problems together.
Order your copy today and start improving your relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
