The other week I received an email from an old friend dealing with a challenging situation. Although I often don’t hear from people until they’re in crisis, it was good hearing from him. Even though the situation bringing us back in contact wasn’t pleasant, it’s good connecting with him again.
There’s something soothing about hearing familiar voices. So even though it was a problem-oriented call, I was enjoying it.
In the course of our conversation, the term ‘reprobate’ came up as part of his response to a situation that perplexed me.
I had to look it up to refresh my understanding of the term. The definition of reprobate is “a person who is beyond hope of reform.”
After reading that, I couldn’t help but think about how often we label people without really knowing them. And even worse, how often we do this to ourselves.
Although I haven’t used the term in a while, it started me thinking about it in terms of affairs. It’s one of those terms that makes its rounds in theology circles, but you don’t hear in daily conversation.
The modern equivalent would be someone whose so abandoned to the affair and sexual addiction, that they’re lost. At that point, they’ve given into the affair and are in so deep, they can’t see straight.
It’s totally possible that you get so deep into a relationship that you lose all sense of direction, morality and common sense. You may even lose track of time and what’s truly important in your life.
One sure sign that you’re in that deep is when you pray that God will stop you or put obstacles in the way to keep the affair from happening again. Rather than seeking self-discipline and the ability to say ‘no’, you instead look for obstacles to keep you from indulging in the affair.
Your prayers become pleas for something to suddenly stop things. One person I talked with prayed that she’d be struck down with an illness to stop her from sleeping around with other men.
At this point, you’re not saying no to the affair. You are giving in to it and wanting God to use Divine interventions in order to keep you from doing what you’re determined to do.
When you’ve reaching that point, you are ‘in deep’. When you are in the affair so deep that you ask for obstacles, you’ve lost control.
You’re so far past where you could touch bottom that you don’t know how far down the bottom is.
Although you’re not beyond help or hope, you are deeper into the situation than you realize. At this point, your thinking and focus are messed up. Your internal compass is no longer on ‘true north’.
At this point, your sense of navigation and direction can’t be counted on. Someone has reprogrammed your brain to where you can’t trust it.
When you or your spouse is in this deep, you need help. Even though you don’t think you need help, you need all the help you can get.
The first place to start is by reaching out for help. The new years gives you new opportunities for making changes. Email me today for available times and days for counseling or consultation. You can reach me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com .
When you’re that deep, you need a support network and people who lovingly confront you when your mind start wandering. The urges have been in control for too long.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
