At first glance you wouldn’t connect (chemo) chemotherapy and affairs. On a closer look, there are some connections.
Although not many studies have been published on the connection between them, the research that has been done is concerning. The lives of John McCain, John Edwards and Newt Gingrich are examples of this connection as well.
You can also check out the stories of cancer survivors where this happens with some frequency. Although the connection exists, the physicians don’t tell you about this risk that goes with cancer.
Although you assume that when you are struggling with a major illness requiring chemo, that your spouse would remain loyal and be with you through the whole ordeal. That’s a dangerous assumption!
You may view your illness as a time that you need your spouse, while the cheater looks at it in terms that they can’t have the kind of relationship with the kind of person that they want, which they believe they deserve, so in many cases, they resort to …cheating.
Somehow an illness or disease is seen as giving them a ‘special dispensation’ to act out their urges. They believe they are entitled to a particular type of wife (or husband) able to respond to their wants.
During this time, they may play up their needs and how they ‘deserve’ particular behaviors. When they talk about ‘deserving’, what they are ‘entitled’ to or how they didn’t sign up for this (in reference to the disease), they are considering cheating as an option.
When such language is used, they are making a mental case to justify what they are already planning.
Since affairs happen in the head before they happen in the bed, you’ll hear these terms and phrases as they ‘make ready’ their plan. In order to live with their conscience, they will need to convince themselves that they are the victim, that they are being mistreated and that they deserve more.
Cheating is a terrible thing to have to contend with while undergoing chemo. As if puking your guts out and feeling miserable was not bad enough, now you have a selfish spouse who is stomping on what left of your self-esteem, emotionally gutting you like a fish and casting you aside like last weeks garbage.
They may even ask you if they can see others. In your state, there’s little you can do. In some cases, you may already feel guilty about getting ill.
They use your vulnerability as an opportunity to act out. When you say they can see others, they have a ‘medical hall pass’.
You have enough stress with what you’re going through. Adding the additional stress of an affair is overwhelming.
So, it you hear the early warning signals of the phrases and victim talk, let it be a wake up call to take action.
If you are looking for more information on dealing with cheating and family issues, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find others going through similar challenges, along with resources and videos to help you through this time.
Best Regards,
Jeff
