As the cheater begins changing their thoughts and behaviors, they may come to you for help. When they tell you that they are ‘tempted’ are you going to attack them or help them overcome that temptation?
You say that you want honesty, yet if they were totally honest about what tempts them, the areas they struggle with, and what they need help on would you be able to hear them out?
Hearing them out means letting them speak without interrupting them. Hearing them out also means that you do not attack them for being honest with you about temptations. They need your help in overcoming such issues.
I mention these things due to many of you doing things that make it hard for the cheater to trust you. When you blow up at the mention of them thinking about cheating, or start launching into an attack on how they are weak due to admitting that they are tempted.
When you take offense at what they tell you and start defending yourself rather than attacking the problem.
It is true that all of us are tempted. What makes a difference is that many of you can resist temptation. You have the self-discipline to say no, while some cheaters do not have such self-discipline in that area.
There’s also a big difference between when someone is tempted and when someone give into temptation. It also takes time to stop the fantasizing about the affair long after the affair is over.
You want things to improve, part of making improvements is for your spouse to be able to count on you. Can they count on you?
In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” I cover the issues the Cheater struggles with. They may not know where to start. In the video, you’ll learn where to start and the kind of changes they need.
Best Regards,
Jeff
