Last week while talking with a business associate, the topic of why I told Oprah Winfrey “no” came up. The associate was surprised on hearing me telling Oprah Winfrey’s Network (OWN) “no” when so many people are clamoring to be a part of it. In the business world, one of the most exciting messages you can leave for someone is “Oprah called”. When that message is received, people are often thrilled with excitement, and their minds start racing with ideas about instant fame and fortune that will come by associating with Oprah.
I had visions of being like John Bradshaw, or Dr. Phil who soon became national figures after their time on Oprah. In popular culture, when you have the endorsement of Oprah, you are suddenly “it” in your particular area.
In my dealings with OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network), things did not turn out like the fairy tale. Sure, I was excited that I was contacted by the network and that they interested in having me on as an expert in dealing with affairs. On receiving the notice, I had to read and re-read it several times. Just the thought of the idea that OWN was interested in “ME” started my mind racing with possibilities. That excitement soon soured when I discovered how they wanted to use me. Sure I would be an expert on affairs, but the fine print had me concerned.
The fine print wanted me to reveal couples who had affairs. Although their identities would be protected, they would still be subjected to being exposed. This bothered me, a lot. In my mind, clients needed to be protected instead of being exploited in such a manner. Although the show I was contacted about dealt with the serious topic of affairs, and people getting help, it was still for entertainment purposes. In my mind, an affair is not something used for entertainment. Affairs are a serious matter and not for public consumption in such a manner.
The thrill of being a nationally known expert on television faded quickly when I saw what it would cost me and my clients in terms of being turned into someone else’s entertainment, along with them being exposed in a public manner.
Confidentiality means something to me. There is enough shame in working through an affair, without it turning into a “Jerry Springer” kind of production. When your marriage is in trouble, you want someone who will respect your privacy rather than exploit it for a few buck and a few minutes in the national spotlight. You want someone who you can feel safe with, knowing that no matter what is said, it is not going to be broadcasted to all 50 states and the territories.
I realize my choice to turn down the OWN has a price. Part of that price is that I am not a household name, like Dr. Phil and others. In my mind, it was more important to help you household move past the dark times of an affair rather than exposing your story and families dirty laundry for entertainment purposes.
After explaining what happened, my business associate suddenly grew quiet. He finally understood what was behind my telling Oprah, “no”. What really surprised him was when I added, “I did it twice!” At that point, his jaw dropped as he exclaimed, “You mean to tell me you turned down Oprah not once, but twice?”
I reassured him that yes, I did turn them down twice. Although Hollywood and the tabloids are filled with stories about affairs, with each week having a different celebrity, entertainer or sports figure in the spotlight for having an affair or being the victim of one. Such notoriety has a way of desensitizing you to the pain and making affairs seem ‘normal’ and routine.
In my mind, your marriage and affair are not for entertainment purposes. Affairs do not have to be ‘routine’ and they do not make for healthy marriages, despite whatever the latest Dr. Feelgood claims. I knew only too well what it is like having the shame of an affair hang over my head and my friends treat me like an outcast, just for having the stain of my parent’s affair.
Being ostracized and having to carry the pain and shame of the affair alone was enough to teach me that such situations need to be handled carefully. I did not wish that kind of pain to be spread to others, even if it meant that I may loose out on ‘national celebrity status’.
Best Regards,
Jeff
9 Responses
A man of integrity! You give hope to those who are wounded by the sinful and selfish world who think nothing of exploiting oppoertunities for themselves at the expense of others
I Timothy 6:5-6 Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness:from such withdraw thyself.
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
I just read today’s entry on Bill Randels blog which gives an outstanding summation of how our whole culture has been deformed by sinful “freedom” to choose selfishness played out in sexual acting out of lust ….destroying generations now by way of intentional programming and “education ” aka propaganda
A good read
Thank you Jeff for taking a stand to protect those whose trust has been so wounded
You can truly be said to be “the man” in this and other areas concerning your care for those who seek help
Good job!
Zaza,
Thank you for your kind words. I did not expect that kind of feedback. My hope was that the post would alert readers to those individuals who use infidelity for entertain purposes. As horrid as it seems, there are people out there who prey on those who are suffering. Make no mistake the OWN presents itself as caring and concerned, yet when it comes times for commercial breaks or marketing, the affair programs are just another way to entertain and make a buck.
I was also surprised that there were some counselors who took them up on the offer. I guess in their mind ‘gain’ is a new form of godliness, no matter who gets used in the process.
Your words are encouraging. They come at a time when I could use some encouragement. Thank You!
Jeff
The Body of Christ will continue to separate from those who offer social “Justice” and the false Social “gospel ” of the seeker friendly church…but those who know their Lord will continue to share in the rejection and slander of the accuser of the brethren
Stand fast in the faith that was once given to the saints
No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly!
Onward…He approaches….we shall meet Him in the clouds and so shall we ever be with the Lord!
See you there!
Zaza,
There is definitely a growing gap between the Body of Christ and the SJW (Social Justice Warrior) types that infest many churches today. It often grieves me seeing how even large denominations are now more focused on social issues than on following Scripture in areas such as adultery. They are so focused on inclusion to the point that they are tolerating and celebrating sin and sinful lifestyles.
They forget that God told us certain behaviors were sin not to keep us from having fun, but to protect us from the long-term consequences of those behaviors. Thank you for the encouragement.
https://billrandles.wordpress.com/2016/05/03/the-sexual-revolution-cruelty-to-women-especially-gender-pt-2/
I think this will bless you and it says it all….when you go to the sight also read the prior part one of the article
Gods Blessing JeffðŸžðŸ·
Zaza,
Thank you for the well wishes. I wish you God’s blessings as well. The sexual revolution has brought more pain and destruction than freedoms. Thank you for sharing the article. It reinforces many ideas that I already have. Perhaps one day, I will address that topic in more depth, since the sexual revolution has brought with it some major issues and life changing events. I have hinted at some of this in the articles where I address the ultimate dangers of equality-thinking. I may need to expand on this to address sex roles, cross dressing, the ultimate impact of birth control, the danger of no-fault divorce and other related issues. I am not sure readers are ready for those issues in this forum.
Jeff
Jeff
Jeff….you can never go wrong basing all your choices on the Lords exhortations if the Word of God is trustworthy….and we know it is
We only “lose” what is not “of Him” when we continue to walk in accord with His Word….we may lose some as we obey the Lord but nothing He wants to have us experience as we do our utmost will cause us to lose
In my life walking ..stumbling …and walking again after each event….nothing has been lost in use to teach me how to lean more upon Him…rather my own understanding
I believe His grace is for me to grow up which takes time for me to learn…and calls for me to be teachable and need what the Lord will teach me
Filling up on all scripture is what I believe Jesus told those who follow Him to do each day….our “daily bread”
“Instant results” seem rare in the Body of Christ….growing of anything takes time…focus…meekness to He who is true and enduring persistence
Not a popular thing in these days….but worth continuing in His word so we may be HIS “disciples indeed” as He instructed all who willingly call upon Hus name
You are helping by way of offering this site…even those who may not be here right now…..legacy effort is not often SEEN in the process
Keep on planting and watering the Word in your heart as an obedient son…..in due time the wisdom of God will sprout up with ideas from His own heart….after His heart….a man who loves God and keeps hiding the Word of God in His heart!
Way to be “counter culture” Jeff !👑
Jeff, thank you for not selling out. Those of us who have suffered betrayal know well how much it is overlooked, minimized even popularized in today’s culture. Just look at the husband of the current democratic frontrunner for president. It is sad how lack of responsibility, accountability and integrity is degrading our society.
Untold,
Thank you for your encouraging words. They refresh me. You know only too well about betrayal without those who are there to help selling you out as well. It is a real issue that needs real answers. Even though damaged, the marriage relationships and people need to be treated with respect. Sadly, there are many out there who treat people and relationships as merchandise. I find myself being leery of leaders who disrespect marriage. My experience is when they disrespect their most personal relationship in such a callous manner, it will only be a matter of time before they do the same thing to other people. 🙁
Thank you again,
Jeff