There is a relationship between weight and affairs. There are times when your spouse’s weight bothers you.
You may even be embarrassed by their weight.
You may even find yourself ducking your head and hoping not to hear what passer-byes say on seeing your spouse. What would have been fighting words in the past, you now cringe on hearing and hope that you can get out of that situation without there being a scene.
Weight issues are telling you something. When your spouse’s weight changes, it’s sending you a message. The problem is… that you may not be understanding the message that’s being sent.
The two of you love each other, yet may not be able to bring some sensitive issues up with each other. Few issues are as personal and sensitive as weight. Issues of guilt, shame and embarrassment intertwine with weight.
It’s often easier numbing pain with food or exercise than deal face-to-face with weight issues.
Typically weight issues have a stress component. Changes in weight are telling you that they’re stressed. It’s a plea for help. The problem is that when your own mind has a selfish or narcissistic focus, you may be interpreting the message as it’s time to ‘move on’.
Their weight may inspire you to lose weight yourself and consider having an affair. Rather than using weight issues to inspire you, turn things around.
Use the concerns as an inspiration for both of you to improve. It could be that the two of you don’t really know how to build each other up. You may see the problem, yet not know how to improve it.
Like unmowed grass telling you it’s time to move, you may view the unwanted weight issues as a message that moving on is something you need to consider. It may also be telling you that you need to “Mow your own yard!”
That’s part of the problem with selfishness. You pick up on the cries for help and then help yourself. The weight is a signal that your spouse needs you or that something’s missing in your marriage.
Rather than run away or think about running away, when weight issues come up tune in rather than tune out. Tune into what they need. Tune into what’s stressing them out.
Weight is often related to secrets. The more the secrets your spouse is carrying, the greater their weight. They may need support, love and accountability rather than condemnation.
Although I detest the term ‘fat shaming’, the term has started people thinking about weight and seeing the person behind the weight.Sadly, the term is used in shaming those who brought the weight issue to the forefront. Fat shaming gives attention, but lacks answers.
When there is extra weight, it is a red flag alerting you that there are issues needing attention.
That weight could be signs of health issues. Rather than calling them a ‘slob’ they may need your support and help, yet not know how to ask. In such cases, it may really be saying more about you than about them.
The signs are there, it’s just a matter of whether or not you can pick up on them. They need your acceptance and support now more than ever. You are in a unique position to build them up, wake them up or devastate them with just your words and actions.
If you are dealing with an affair or considering one, you’ll want the Affair Recovery Workshop before things get worse. The exercises that improve communication will make it easier to discuss sensitive issues like weight and fantasies of affairs.
An affair doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage and neither do weight issues have to mean the alienation of your relationship.
Best Regards,
Jeff
