Back in the 90’s I was a program director of a psychiatric unit located in a hospital. Being in the role of program director meant that the buck stopped with me. If anything happened on the unit, I had to either deal with it or delegate dealing with it to someone.
While in that role, I found myself facing many challenges. Some of the more trying ones were those involving trust. I trusted my staff, yet there were incidents that happened where that trust was betrayed. There were also incidents were the trust deepened.
In those situations where trust was betrayed, I wrestled with what I could trust them with. Those episodes also left me wondering if there were other things that happened that they hadn’t told me about.
I knew first-hand about the nagging doubt that hangs over relationships after a trust busting incident. Although I wanted to count on my staff again, I wondered if I could. I also second guessed myself at times.
Over time I learned who could be trusted with which kind of trust.
When I had to handle those trust busting incidents, I considered my options. There was the temptation to power down with more control. There was the temptation to ignore what happened. There was the apprehension about ‘what now?’
The minor incidents only involved some paperwork and meetings. The more major stuff included trips to the courts, review boards and the corporate office.
The situations varied from stealing meds to unethical relationships, making false claims to exploiting political connections. There were many ways to betray trust and each carried its own unique pain with it.
You know what it’s like being betrayed. You know the different pains that come with different betrayals. You know how it changes the relationship and how you look at those involved.
The good thing is that the relationships don’t have to stay damaged. They can be healed. Healing doesn’t mean they have my full trust again, but it does mean you can be in relationship with them again.
In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I share the trust formula and how to apply it to those relationships damaged by trust in your life.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
