The year I graduated from high school, the phrase “Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll” came into popular usage. The phrase was catchy and caught on quickly. It was used in justifying a multitude of behaviors. It became a popular rallying cry for a generation.
Perhaps, it was the re-imaging of the older phrase “Wine, Women and Song” for a new generation. Although the phrase is not heard so widely these days, it carried a kernel of truth.
The kernel of truth is that there is a connection between sex and drugs. it’s not that the phrase caused that connection of the two. There’s always been the connection, the phrase only brought attention to it.
Where things get interesting is the order of the phrase. The order tells you a great deal.
With seduction, it’s typically, rock and roll, then drugs followed by sex. With seduction, the drugs may or may not be used. The goal of seducers is sex.
In the case of addicts, its sex followed by drugs. Their main goal is the last item, the drugs. They may use sex in order to get money, which is then turned into drugs. For them, sex is a tool to get drugs.
I’ve seen husbands give their wives over to their dealers so that sexual favors would be used in exchange for drugs. With addicts, the sex and affairs are tools used in getting what they want.
With affairs and swingers, you find drugs (or alcohol) followed by sex. The drugs are a key component of every event. They may say it’s to relax you, get you in the mood or to enhance the experience. Those that I’ve talked to talk about the drugs or alcohol in terms of numbing themselves out prior ‘playtime’.
I recall talking with an attendee at a swinger party in Silicon Valley where the drugs were measured out and offered to everyone there. They had drugs to make you high, drugs to bring you down and everything in between. THe dosage was calculated and deemed within safe rangers. It was after the drugs were distributed, that the swinging part of the party began.
The only difference between the actions of today’s hipster swingers and old hippie swingers are the type and amount of drugs/alcohol at their events.
There is definitely a relationship between drugs and sex. The nature of that relationship depends on what the end goal is.
The good news is that each of these unhealthy patterns can be changed. They don’t have to be permanent or turned into a lifestyle. This is also why the connection needs to be included in any affair relapse prevention plan.
In the video, Overcoming Affair Relapse, I share what you can do in breaking the dysfunctional patterns that often come with affairs.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
