One of the trends I’ve seen over the past couple of months is spouses giving up on marriage. I’m not talking about them giving up on their marriage, they’re talking giving up on marriage as an institution.
In the past, I saw spouses give up on their marriage, but not the whole institution. This trend is definitely a shift in the thinking of many in society.
My initial impression is that giving up on marriage comes from extreme discouragement coupled with a desire to sleep around. I see the two going together. Discouragement can be overcome, but when part of you wants to sleep around, it only feeds into the discouragement thinking.
When you’re intent on sleeping around, your mind starts fantasizing about how the ‘grass is greener’ elsewhere. In chasing after that fantasy, the imagined relationship holds more appeal than real relationships.
Not only is there a fantasizing about others, there’s also a fantasy about your present marriage. When you put blinders on the potential for variety and enjoyment, you only see a limited perspective.
Both fantasies are misleading. Neither is true, yet they lead you into thinking about seeking a ‘better life’ outside of your own marriage.
Boredom, the size of your spouse’s sexual apparatus or lack of excitement aren’t good reasons for seeking magic outside of your marriage.
The situation reminds me of an old crack addict’s story. He likened the drug to a tease that always promises much, but never delivers. Even though she never delivered, he chased after thinking ‘this time it’ll be different.”
It never was different. Chasing after her drug him down into a dark place, that we was working at get out of.
In the end, the chase wears you out. You’ll find relationship after relationship with the same problems that you ran away from in your first marriage.
Questions like “Why do I keep finding the same kind of men?” start haunting you. You think it’s them, when in reality it’s something inside of you.
Rather than chasing after illusive phantoms, try changing your thinking and turn around from desiring the affair. The more desiring you do, the greater the disappointment you’ll find.
Instead of chasing the illusive relationship, start working on the one in front of you. In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”, I guide you through those tough initial steps you need in turning things around.
The affair promises much in terms of pleasure, yet repays in heartache. Instead of chasing after that dream, take action in changing your marriage starting today.
Click and download the video. In minutes, you can be making important changes.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
