A sure way of frustrating your spouse and wreck communication in your marriage is by asking ‘unanswerable questions’. Although you may assume that every question has an answer, there are some questions that don’t have logical or reasonable answers.
As a teenager, one of these unanswerable questions was “Can God create a stone that is too big for him to move?” The question also having some surface validity is illogical and unreasonable when it comes time to answer. No matter what answer you give, it’s a logic trap.
When you know there is a trap ahead, even a logic trap, what do you do? You either run away or don’t answer the question.
You may have set a logic trap with unanswerable questions with your spouse. This is natural.
You’re feeling frustrated and trapped, so it’s natural that your questions convey that. What you’re feeling is going to come out one way or another.
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, you ask questions that convey your emotions rather than ones that can be answered.
Whatever the intention of such questions, the effect is frustrating the person it’s directed toward. When frustrated, people shut down. This is because frustration leaves you feeling blocked.
Even your spouse will tend to shut down. This sets up a no-win scenario. You tell them you want to talk, yet by asking them unanswerable questions, you’ve taken steps that shut down communication.
It becomes circular logic frustration. You want them to talk, then you sabotage them talking to you with the unanswerable questions you ask them, even though you really do want responses to those questions. You want your spouse to engage with you and understand your frustration, yet the only way you know to do this is by frustrating them as well.
You may have never thought about whether or not your questions were unanswerable. Could you answer the questions you are asking? If not, they’re unanswerable.
If you are stuck in that circular logic frustration of unanswerable questions, then you’ll want the video, “Hurting People and Healing Questions” which provides solutions and ways of moving past these ‘no win’ communication situations.
There are ways of communicating without leaving your or them feeling frustrated. You can open the channels of communication rather than blocking them.
At these times, you want answers. I understand that. I also understand that you may be doing things that sabotage your search for answers.
In the video, you’ll find ways of moving past the roadblocks and barriers to getting the answers you need.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
