One of the things I hate are ‘lawyer tricks’. I recall one lawyer wanted to punish me so he had me sit in the Pasadena Municipal court all day without telling me he previously arranged for the case to be dismissed. He thought it was funny, but I didn’t.
Being a therapist, I’m sensitive to being manipulated and helping others change for good rather than for punishment or sport. One reason I hate lawyer tricks is that they’re powerful tools of manipulation. There’s no change for the better in their case, only change for maximum profits.
Another problem is that their tricks produce results. They really do make you dance or sit for prolonged hours in courtrooms.
One lesson I learned from a lawyer is that they intentionally use ‘legalese’ and threats in their letters for intimidation purposes. They know that people aren’t familiar with their big words.
Their letters are purposely inflammatory. They’re written with the intention of getting reactions and picking fights. They want you reacting in fear and anger.
The lawyers know that you are easier to manipulate when you are reactionary. They count on you reacting so that they can play you. They also know that the longer they drag on the case, the greater their fee will be.
The lawyer told me that the letters are sent with the purpose of triggering reactions. They count on people reacting, knowing that it gives them an excuse to counter their reaction. It’s a total set up.
He told me that you need to read their letters. Then set it down for a few hours, perhaps have a drink, then re-read it later, thinking through what they’re ‘really saying’.
Once you get past the inflammatory talk and intimidating big words, you can start deciphering what’s really happening. The important lesson is not going with your initial reaction. Slow down and think through what’s actually being said.
Lawyers smell blood and look for new ways of chalking up billable hours. Getting reactions from you means more billing for them. They benefit from having more conflicts going on.
Anytime there’s marital discord, lawyers see potential. They know that there’s more money to be made in breaking up a marriage than in saving it. The affair gives them an excuse to hunt for prey as if there’s blood in the water.
This is also important to remember in dealing with affairs. Some actions, letters and emails are intentionally inflammatory. This means when you read or see something, rather than flying into a rage on first exposure, put it down, take a breath and consider what’s really going on.
The cheater or the AP are saying and doing things for reaction purposes. They know what triggers you. They use those triggers in getting their way.
In the “Affair Recovery Workshop” there’s a section on ‘telling yourself the truth’ which includes handling inflammatory situations like the ones describes above. Going through affair recovery includes handling those kinds of situations.
If you need more help in handling inflammatory situations and avoiding traps, email me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for consultation or counseling in dealing with your situation.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
