Today’s a good day for dealing with the question of whether or not you should meet with the other woman (or man). For the sake of simplicity, I’ll just refer to the ‘other woman’ or OW which is a popular term.
Contacting the other woman is a two-edged sword issue. It often does more damage than healing when handled improperly.
Before contacting the other woman, the first thing is considering the cost versus benefit. Yes, you may experience some relief in giving them a piece of your mind. You may even connect with them on an adult to adult level.
If your meeting the ‘other woman’ with intentions of violent revenge or pleading for your spouse, your motivations are already working against you. In these circumstances, such a meeting is not advised.
Although some meetings with the other woman produce positive results, most don’t. Even when you remove the risk of violence by either you or them, the danger that concerns me is ‘relationship dynamics’.
The power of the drama triangle in relationships can’t be ignored. This is why I take the position of advising against confronting the other woman.
Although you may have good social skills, when the affair hits your marriage, you start taking things personally. When you take the affair personally, you’ll react personally.
Taking things personally colors how you see things and impacts how you feel. It changes what you see and notice.
When your spouse and the lover team up, it creates a powerful force. The stronger the confrontation, the greater the risk you encounter of them teaming up in reacting to you.
The initial confrontation may go smooth, yet start chain reactions that haunt you later. By meeting the other woman, you risk them teaming up against you.
I go into greater depth on relationship dynamics and handling the drama triangle in the “Affair Recovery Workshop”. Knowing how those dynamics work will help take some of the fireworks out of the situation.
Best Regards,
Jeff
