One of the many dangers I warn people about are old flames. They have ways of re-igniting old emotions and attachments.
This is one of the reasons I encourage couples to discuss who they ‘friend’ on social media accounts. Anytime it’s an old flame, there’s potential dangers. The old flames deserve scrutiny.
One of the cheater ploys is claiming that ‘they’re just an old friend from high school.” That old friend created a stir back then and can still trigger dormant reactions in their brain.
Although I’ve mentioned the danger of old flames, the other day, I heard the old friend from high school excuse used in distracting a betrayed spouse from someone the cheater met online. So even dormant old friends and flames are threats.
You may be looking at ‘old friends’ through your experiences rather than theirs. They may have fantasized over that old friend more times than you were aware of.
I’m not totally against connecting with old friends. I’m connected with several myself. I also made sure my wife knew about them. I also know that there are some old friends I avoid connecting with.
Those old friends actually pose a greater threat to your marriage than new online acquaintances. The reason for this greater danger is that they trigger stronger emotions and reactions with less effort.
Although some of the ‘old friends’ are legitimate old friends, the excuse is a favorite way of hiding the true nature of the relationship by many cheaters. If it wasn’t a popular ploy, I wouldn’t be warning you about it.
At hearing that someone is an ‘old friend’ you likely turn a blind eye to it. Rather than turn a blind eye, consider using it as an opportunity for discovering more about your spouse’s past.
Since people follow old patterns, the more you understand their old pattern, the more you can take steps in reducing the threat of an affair relapse. In the video ‘Overcoming Affair Relapse’ I address some of the most frequent dangers along with ways of preparing for them.
When you know what to prepare for, the danger of you being surprised by things is reduced. Instead of wondering what you’re going to do, you can instead have a clear plan in place.
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Keeping It Real,
Jeff
