Twenty years ago, I found myself sitting outside of Harris County courtroom #2 stunned in disbelief. The judge we were led to believe would be impartial was anything but.
He listened to the claims of the other party then refused even allowing us to present our evidence or hear us out. The word of the other party was considered more proof than the black and white evidence we had in hand.
This judge had more loyalty to the other party and their lawyer rather than not to justice. He refused listening to evidence because he lacked impartiality. This is a story about distrust in courts and how I was disadvantaged by someone who should have been impartial and focused on uncovering the facts.
– name omitted for privacy purposes
At that time I trusted the judicial system. I’ve since learned the truth that rulings are based on who the judge is, not on what my concept of justice or fairness.
What I Learned: That judges are not impartial and that they cannot be trusted to render fair decisions. The court system is a machine whose purpose is to produce the desired outcome, not provide justice for all.
I learned that it’s important never to trust anyone in power who has the ability to make major decisions impacting my life or yours. It’s at such moments after you’ve been ‘kicked in the teeth’ by a rigged legal system that you realize you don’t trust anyone. You’ve lost faith in judges, lawyers, your spouse, and doctors.
My experience with the judge left a scar. In a similar way, when your spouse betrays you by cheating, it damages your ability to trust others. What started as a distrust of your spouse has now spread. Everything the cheater touches becomes infected with distrust.
You realize that your distrust impacts almost every relationship you have. You find yourself second guessing the actions of everyone around you. Anytime someone does something, even the nice things are questioned about their motives. The question “What do they want out of me?” dominates your thinking.
You view the world and others with suspicion. I’ve also learned “I’m not the only one who distrusts. Are you a person with trust issues? The problem is that we don’t know how to rebuild this sense of security.”
You might be asking yourself what I mean by ‘trust’. Trust has two dimensions: confidence and reliance. Confidence means believing in someone that’s supposed to have loyalty or fidelity to a higher calling. Reliance is the ability to depend on someone or something.
If you find yourself dominated by distrust, the situation is not going to fix itself. The trust fairy isn’t going to touch you and your situation overnight with sudden changes. Your distrust is not something that’s going to change when you wake up tomorrow morning.
Rebuilding your trust requires effort on your part. Passivity brings nothing but more distrust. Rebuilding trust is requires more than just thinking positive vibes. Waiting for things to ‘fix themselves’ only makes it worse.
There’s no quick way to regain confidence and rely on someone again. You need to take responsibility for your own distrust, not blame the other party or be passive about it.
You can’t just turn off feelings of distrust in a moment: they’re going to last as long as you refuse to act – if that’s how you want. I found it a horrible place to be. I learned ways of overcoming my distrust, even though I’m still skeptical about courts.
Trust requires making concrete changes in specific areas. The video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?’ shows you what changes are needed along with where to make them. You don’t have to blindly put your hope in change. You can instead know what steps to take in rebuilding trust with your spouse, family members and others.
You don’t have to continue distrusting others. You can move past that.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
