I received an email from a subscriber that reminded me how powerful shame can be. Shame stops all your good intentions. Even when you didn’t do anything, the shame of what happened keeps you stuck. It paralyzes you emotionally and at times physically.
In the event that you did something or said something, the shame may even keep you from talking about what needs to be talked about. You’re in a bind of wanting help, yet the shame keeps you from getting it or even asking for help
In some situations, you’re hurting and don’t even know what to say or how to bring up what you’re facing.
Shame steals you peace of mind long after the offenses are past. It has ways of reminding you how dirty you are. When shame combines with guilt, its a painful one-two punch that’s hard to recover from.
The writer said,
“God bless you Jeff Murrah. I say this each time you write about someone who has trouble with their marriage. When a spouse write for help I know from experience it is a big problem they are encountering beyond their capability and that they love and care for their union to make that difficult step in approaching you.
To get a reply from you one feels you understand and care.
I thank you. As for me I couldn’t reply as I’m too ashamed.
When your own family shun you away for the way the spouse left me and our son.
When I look at my spouse I don’t recognize him with evil eyes and frightening.”
Her words capture the shame experience very well. In her case, it stopped her from reaching out and has led to alienation from any kind of support. It’s also changed how she views her husband.
Shame changes you and how you see yourself. It also changes how you see your spouse.
When you’re frozen by shame, it stops progress on recovery. It robs you of courage. It silences your voice. You want to speak out, but the words can’t come out.
The good news is that there is a place you can go. At the Restored Lifestyle recovery community, you can share your struggles.
Since others there have gone through similar struggles, you don’t have to let shame keep you from speaking out.
Join today, and you’ll have a place where you can share anonymously.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
