Assuming that your spouse wasn’t the one initiating an affair, a key question they or you may ask is “How can you resist seduction?”
Some seductions can be resisted by saying “NO”. If the seducer has character or morals, they will respect the “NO”.
Given the nature of affairs, many cheaters are are not making good moral choices when it comes to self-gratification. They’re used to having their desires fulfilled and to getting what they want.
The more they have given into urges in the past, the less capable they are of saying “NO” to seduction. Wanting to say it and doing it are two different things.
When the target of the seduction says “NO”, they’ll have to mean it. There is no room for wishy-washy responses when it comes to resisting affairs.
The “NO” will need to be accompanied by a pushing away. If their no response is still disregarded, they need to head for the door, and call for help.
It’s better that they walk out and call for help that to have the seducer give them a ride home. Calling a taxi is a small price to avoid affairs.
One a seducer begins making passes, it is time to stop drinking and leave. The first pass may be their way of softening their target up and testing their actual will power. With each drink the forcefulness of “NO” weakens.
The target of the seduction also needs a focus on their commitment to their marriage. They will need to mentally tell themselves “I belong to …., my body is not mine to give to others”.
Although this may sound ‘old-fashioned’, this mindset is needed in resisting affairs. The seducer attempts appealing to bodily sensations and ‘don’t you want to …’ type of approaches.
Your body may want what your mind resists. When the seduction has bodily sensations as its ally, it’s only a matter of time..
The human body often gives a green light to being stimulated. When you realize that your body was promised to your spouse, it can give you the strength to say “NO” because you are relying on the strength of that bond rather than your own will power.
When you are in a high risk situation, your own will power is not strong enough to resist.
When you need added encouragement regarding affairs, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. Once you’re a member, you’ll have no cost access to the programs and resources you need in affair recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff
5 Responses
Hmmm GREAT SKILLS ……..for those who care enough to learn them…..trouble is that if someone is not humbled enough by the consequences or by the way the discovery causes pain ….and is not STILL willing to learn what they need to do …then ….it is anybody’s guess what is next .
Proud people think they are strong enough to deal with anything …even AFTER they have committed adultery .
Disappointment in themselves and distrust of others does not ‘fix’ this because they simply withdraw and do not care to interact at all with anyone! including the spouse they hurt…..ugh!
Livin’ with a ‘John Wayne’ wannabe.
Zaza,
I like your comment “Proud people think they are strong enough to deal with anything”. It sums things up nicely. Proud people often trust in their own will, their own mind, and their own judgment. That is often what leads to the trouble in the first place. Any good pilot knows that you have to use the instruments to fly a plane. Relying on your own subjective sensory world rather the objectivity of the instruments has led to many problems. Rather than trust what the Bible says about adultery, strange women, and seducing persons, they rely on their own senses in dealing with those matters and mess up every time.
Just for the record I feel I must voice my concerns regarding a misconception about flying an airplane.  This has been our livelihood throughout our marriage.  My husband has over 30,000 hours logged in the air which includes over 12,000 hours as a flight instructor.  He is highly regarded in his field.  Having worked in the industry myself for years and overheard many conversations with pilots who have sought his expertise and advice, I have personally heard him say “Get your head out of the cockpit and look outside” many, many times.  So- I asked him what he thought of the statement “Any good pilot knows that you have to use the instruments to fly a plane.  Relying on your own subjective sensory world rather the objectivity of the instruments has led to many problems.”
Here is his response:
It takes a combination of both. Â For instance the 2009 Air France fatal crash into the Atlantic could have been prevented had the pilots looked outside the cockpit and recognized they were too steep an attitude. Â The aircraft stalled. Â The airplane crashed killing everyone on board because the pilots believed their instruments and the instruments were wrong. Â Instruments fail all the time. Â That’s why some are powered by electricity and some by other sources in the same aircraft.
That was his simple answer to a complex situation. Â If you care for a more detailed discussion of the final determining factors regarding this accident it’s all over the web. Â Just thought you would want to know.
blueskyabove,
Thank you for the information. I am glad that you checked with your husband. I stand corrected. In flying a plane you need to trust your senses AND use your instruments. The caveat is that in flying a plane, experience teaches you things. Unless a cheater is a serial cheater, trusting in senses alone can get them in trouble.
Thank you for your input. I learned some new things about airplanes.
Jeff
A good reason to have “God as your CO PILOT” eh!
Interesting contribution …BLUE….! thanks all!