When it comes to marriage relationships and affairs, when you tell your spouse to ‘do the right thing’, it may not be what you think it is. In previous generations, if you told your spouse to ‘do the right thing’, you would be telling them to make the morally correct choice.
These days, the ‘right thing’ now means what’s ‘socially appropriate’. It’s now in vogue to be accepted by people than staying true to your marriage vows and moral code. Not only has the definition of the right thing changed, the latest twist is making choice based on what they consider right in their own mind. Gone are the days where right was a universally moral understanding of right and wrong.
In telling your spouse “do the right thing“, modern thinkers consider everyone else’s feelings and perspective. The feeling and perspectives that should matter are now mixed in with others.
For this reason, if you’ve got a confused or conflicted spouse, you’ll have to tell them what the ‘right thing’ is. When conflicted, people need simple choices. They need you to tell them what is true and real so they can relax and feel safe.
The ‘right thing’ is not always popular. You may not be approved of by neighbors and friends for doing the right thing.
A conflicted cheater may be considering the lover and their family, influence from their ex, or pressure from their family. When you bring in too many people or listen to the wrong people, relationships become a three-ring circus.
They may be doing a good thing to do, but doing right by the wrong person or priority.
If your marriage is going to survive the affair the priority is doing what’s right by you. What the ex, the lover, or the opinion of others outside of your marriage creates confusing noise and stress.
The ‘right thing’ is not what others think, it’s what you and your spouse think. Not what’s easy or comfortable, but what will work in the long term for your relationship. It may not be the popular choice, but it is the right one.
This means that your marriage is the priority, not the opinion of others. When the opinion of others matters more, your marriage will feel ‘out of control’.
Not only will things feel out of control, but your voice is also being either ignored or silenced.
The way of getting your marriage back to a workable place requires making yours the priority. If your spouse is a people pleaser, they’ll feel torn by the conflicting messages.
You can start shifting priorities by devoting time and attention to the relationship that matters most. If your marriage only gets the time that is left over, it’s not a priority.Start making your marriage a top priority and rekindle the connection between the two of you. In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I share with you ways of rekindling the connection between the two of you.
Click and download your copy of the workshop today and enjoy the new priority position of your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
